You're Not Alone
by EpicallyObsessed
Summary: When James Diamond moves away from California to try and find himself, he ends up meeting Kendall Knight. Will Kendall be able to help James find and accept himself? Will he be able to show James that he's not alone? And will true love spring up among the pair? *AU,Contains Slash: Kames*
1. Prologue

**A/N: Hello everyone! I know that I've been saying that I had another Kames story in the works, and it's finally here! This story is the most mature story I've ever written. I'm also continuing trying out a different writing style. The writing style for this story will be similar to my style for Right In Front Of You. I'm just trying different things and trying to step out of my box a little. This is also my first M-rated story so I'm a little nervous to see how it'll turn out.**

**This is not the official first chapter. It's just a little prologue to introduce James so you can see his background and what he's dealing with. The first chapter will be uploaded right after this one so I hope you all enjoy!**

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**Prologue**

The rain falls hard as I drive back home. I'm a goddamn mess, and I can't get my head to stop tormenting me. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me or why this is happening. I couldn't even force myself to sleep with her this time, and I was such a dick that I made her believe it was her fault. It was a shit thing to do, but I knew if I didn't embarrass her, she would go open her mouth to all her friends.

I pull up to my house and head inside. It's dark as I quietly make my way upstairs to my bedroom. Shutting my door, I lie down on my bed and stare at the fan on my ceiling making its rotations over and over.

How is this my life? I'm so twisted that the only reason that I felt tempted to sleep with that girl was because I knew Ryder had. I guess it was my sick way of trying to connect with him. I hate myself for doing what I did. I hate myself for so many reasons.

I grew up in church, going to Sunday school and Bible study camps. I believe in God, and was taught that this way of life is wrong. It isn't what He wants. It isn't what I want, but at the same time… it is. This shouldn't be happening to me. I've done all I can to force these thoughts and feelings away. I've pretty much slept with every girl in my graduating class at La Jolla High. Nothing is working though. In fact, it's only making everything that much worse.

Nobody knows. I'm not sure anyone ever will know. I've spent the last few years praying that this was just a phase, fighting the thoughts that skate around in my head. Pretending to be someone I'm not in an attempt to escape this sick person who lives inside me.

The only person I need right now, the only one who would listen and not judge me, is gone. I feel like God is punishing me for some reason. He took away the only one that could help me. The only one I could confide in. It's been almost two years since my brother Shane died. He was in the car with his girlfriend on prom night when an overly tired truck driver hit them head-on and killed them.

He was my best friend. We never went through any sibling rivalry and did everything together. Exploding mud pies with firecrackers when we were little, and later, learning to surf. Surfing was our thing. We would always go out early on Saturday mornings and stop at the In-N-Out Burger on the way home. Mom and Dad still haven't touched his room, and I'm not allowed to mention his name.

I miss him.

I miss everything about him, and now I need him more than ever. I need him to tell me it's okay, that I'm okay.

When I got my acceptance letter from the University Of Minnesota the other week, I knew it was where I was going to go. I need to get the hell out of California and away from everything I know. I need to free my mind of the constant taunting. I just need to be free to find myself. To figure this all out. To understand why, when I was making out with Sarah, all I could think about was Ryder.

I'm not gay. It's not me. I hate myself for even thinking that it could be. Just three more months before classes start at UoM. August is when I'll escape from here and finally get the headspace I need to work everything out. I hope…

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**Done! Like I said, this was just a short prologue to give you a little background info. And no, Sarah and Ryder will not be making an appearance in the story. They were only in this chapter.**

**This also won't be a religious story. I just wanted to emphasize and show how James was raised and why he's so conflicted. Next chapter (the first official chapter) will be longer and will introduce some familiar faces along with James meeting Kendall for the first time!**

**It will be uploaded shortly so I hope you all check it out!**

**-Epically Obsessed**


	2. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

"Lucy, what's taking you so long?" I called out.

"Stop bitching. Just let me get my boots on and I'll be ready. Man, what has your panties in a twist?" She whined as she sat on the floor of her closet, zipping up her boots.

"I'm going to say goodnight to Jo real quick. Hurry up, okay?"

"Ugh!" I hear her grunt as I walk down the hall to Jo's room. When I open her door, I see her sitting on her bed studying. Typical. She's always been focused and quiet, and she's the sweetest girl I know. She was the first person that I met and became friends with when I moved here to Minnesota three years ago. We had an instant connection. In a way, she reminds me a lot of Shane.

And even though that sounded kinda weird since she was a girl and he was a guy, it was true. She reminded me of my brother in her sincerity and innocence. She made it easy for me to decide to open up to her about being gay, and she was the first person I ever told. She didn't even think twice about it when I told her.

"Hey James." She said as I walked into her room, taking a seat next to her.

"You really should come out with us. This band is supposed to be really good."

"Can't. I have a lot of reading to do. Besides, I have to be at work by six tomorrow morning." She said before closing her books and sliding them to the front of the bed.

"You know you're excuses are lost on me right?" I asked.

I returned the smile she was giving me before leaning forward to hug her.

"Stop molesting my roommate." Lucy said jokingly from her spot in the doorway. "I'm ready." She said flipping her red streaked hair before leaving the room with me following.

"You guys have fun. Text me tomorrow Jay!" Jo called out.

"Will do. See you later."

XxX

When we made our way to the club, the first thing I noticed was that the place was packed. Lucy and I headed straight for the bar, wasting no time downing a couple shots. I had to admit, the band playing tonight brought in a huge crowd. It was the busiest I've ever seen the place.

"They're really good." Lucy shouts over the music a couple songs in.

I nodded as I picked up the bottle of beer the bartender handed me before taking a sip. I recognized Kendall, the guy on vocals and also plays guitar, from the few classes that I had with him. We've never talked much, but he was the one that told me about this gig.

It's hard to tell, but I get the sense that he's gay too. I guess he's a lot like me. Lucy and Jo both told me that there's no way they would've ever known unless I told them. But there's something about Kendall that makes me think I'm not wrong about my assumption.

Lucy and I made ourselves comfortable at the bar as we sat back and listened to the band play for a while. I met Lucy around the same time I met Jo. She's kind of a wild chick but fun as hell. I tend to go out more with Lucy, although we aren't quite as close as I am with Jo. I don't think many people have the connection that Jo and I have.

After a couple of beers and a round of pool, we found ourselves back at the bar as the band took a short break.

"James, you made it!" I heard from behind me.

I turned around as I set my beer down, spotting Kendall making his way to the vacant seat next to me.

"Yeah, I've been here before. I never knew you played here though." I said watching as he nodded at the bartender before looking back at me.

"Dude, we play anywhere we can get a decent gig. We've been here before. Just not a lot." He explained.

I watched as the bartender handed him a bottle of beer, with me staring intently as he took a long swig, not missing the way his sweaty shirt clung to his body.

I took another sip of my beer before looking down the bar at Lucy, who is scoring a free drink from a guy that clearly thinks he actually has a chance with her. I let out a soft chuckle before shaking my head, not noticing Kendall glancing at Lucy before looking back at me.

"You here by yourself?" He asked with what sounded like a hint of hope laced in his voice.

"No, but she's left me to sexually harass anyone she can." I said in a joking manner.

"My type of girl." He said with a content sigh.

_Shit. Guess I was wrong. _

"If I was into girls." He added suddenly with a shrug before taking another sip of his beer.

"You're not?" I asked for clarification.

Turning to lean his back against the bar, he looks at the stage as he responds with a simple, "Nope."

"Good to know." I responded, watching as he looks back at me, giving me a sexy side grin that lets me know he understood what I meant.

"So, you sticking around?" He asked casually.

"Yep."

"Good. We have one more set for the night." He said before turning around, calling for another beer. When he gets it, he looks back my way. "I'll catch you after?"

This time, I'm positive that it's hope that I'm hearing in his voice.

"Sure." I responded simply.

He nodded his head, giving me one more smile before heading back to stage to join the rest of the band that is already up there.

Ever since I moved from La Jolla and came to Seattle, I have been trying to figure out who I am. I was really confused before coming here, but after seeing the reaction from telling Jo and then Lucy, which was hardly even a reaction at all, I felt a huge boulder being lifted off my shoulders. Jo had encouraged me to be myself and not hide while I was here. No one knew me here, and it was a fresh start.

Putting myself out there was difficult at first. I didn't know what the hell I was doing and always felt awkward. But I figure that is how most people are when they start dating, even straight people. Even though I screwed around a lot in high school, it was never really what I wanted. I barely felt anything, other than disgusted.

I think I was more disgusted with myself for using all those girls. Now that I'm here though, I've been a little more comfortable with myself. The misery I used to feel back home isn't so mind-consuming.

I've casually been with a lot of guys, but haven't found myself in any serious relationship yet. I've been having fun and enjoying college life, not taking anything too seriously. But watching Kendall on stage with his guitar slung low on his body as he sang, I wonder what it is about him that makes me want to keep my eyes fixed on him.

"He's hot." I hear Lucy say from beside me. I didn't even know she had sat back down next to me. I had been so zoned out.

"Who?" I asked, trying my best to play dumb.

"Don't be stupid. The guitarist you haven't taken your eyes off of for the past five minutes."

"His name's Kendall."

"You know him?"

"Yeah, we have a few classes together." I say as I turn my attention back to him.

"Gay?"

"Yep."

"Well that sucks." She pouts, making me chuckle a little at her.

"Only for you." I playfully tease.

She nods her head as she continues to listen to the song they're playing. They have a unique alternative sound and can clearly draw in a crowd.

"How much longer do you want to stay?" She asked as they finished the song.

"A while. I told Kendall I'd stay to the end of their set. Why?"

"I'm a little tired. I think I'm just gonna grab a cab. It's getting late."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I'm not gonna stick around and cock block you like you did me the other night." She said in a teasing manner.

"You're full of shit." I laugh as I shake my head at her.

She smiled at me, giving me a hug before heading out.

After about half an hour later, the band finished their set and was packing up their equipment before the next band took the stage. Walking over to me, Kendall handed his guitar to the bartender, who placed it behind the bar before handing Kendall another beer.

"So, are you from around here?" He asked me.

"Nope. California. I grew up near San Diego. What about you?"

"I'm from Kansas. All my family is there. I just really needed a change of scenery, mostly people, so I came here." He explained, to which I nodded my head.

"Sounds like me man. You go home often?"

"Try to. I have a younger sister that I'm close with, so I like to get back there a few times a year to visit. What about you? Any brothers or sisters?"

"A brother." Is all I say. Mentioning him always brings a burn to my chest. So I leave it and move on. "You guys are pretty good. How long have you been playing?" I asked, wanting to change the topic.

"We've played together for a couple of years now." He said as he took a swig of his beer before telling me about how the band got started and some of the gigs they've played.

Talking with him is easy as we casually go back and forth, getting to know each other. I've never really noticed his green eyes until now, not that I've ever had the chance to. We've had some classes together for the past three years, but our paths never crossed enough to allow for more than just brief interactions, but he's sexy as hell.

After a while, we realize it's getting late, so Kendall grabs his guitar as we head out into the parking lot to leave. He walks over to his car that happens to be parked a few spaces from mine. I watch as he slides his guitar into the back seat before turning back to me.

"So, you got any plans this weekend?" I ask.

"No, not really." He says as he leans against his car.

"Do you… wanna grab a bite to eat tomorrow?" I ask hesitantly.

"Yeah, that sounds good. Dinner?" He asks with a soft smile.

"Sure." I respond, retuning his smile.

God, I want to kiss him, but for some reason I'm hesitant, so I don't. We exchange numbers and say goodnight before I turn to my car. When I hop in and turn the key, a pang of anticipation hits me, and I wonder what's different about this guy that's sparking this eagerness in me.

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**Done! So Kendall and James have officially met! And I know it may seem a little soon for their feelings to start and that it might seem a little rushed, but it's part of the story. Trust me :)**

**And even though James and Kendall are the main pairing in this story, James' relationship with Jo also plays a big part. They won't be romantically involved, but they'll have more of a brother/sister relationship. They both are hurt so they kind of cling to each other. You'll see what I mean as the story progresses.**

**I'd love to hear any thoughts you might have as well as if you had a favorite moment or part in this chapter!**

**I already have the next chapter up so I'll try and update again tomorrow night. Until then!**

**-Epically Obsessed**


	3. Chapter Two

**A/N: Hello again everyone! Before we get started, I'd like to apologize for the late chapter. I got a little busy last night and didn't have time to post it. But it's here now!**

**I'd also like to give a huge thank you to thank winterschild11, Charlie-Rose94, and Chey21 for reviewing last chapter! I'd also like to thank everyone that has read, favorited, and followed this story so far! I'm really excited and nervous about this story so I hope it turns out good.**

**I hope you all enjoy the new chapter!**

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**Chapter Two**

"So who's this guy you're going out with tonight?" I ask Jo as she flops down on the couch next to me.

"Just some guy that used to work at the coffee shop. We ran into each other the other day." She said cryptically.

"Oh." I said, watching as she tilted her head slightly at me.

"What?"

Jo was kind of a serial dater. One date, then she's done. She's always been closed off with guys and never really seems to care enough to get to know them.

"I don't even know why you waste your time." I said, trying to soften my remark by wrapping my arm around her, bringing her into a side hug,

"Honestly… I don't know either." She sighed.

"I think you just like free dinners." I joked, smiling when she let out a soft laugh as we shifted to lie down on the couch.

I love this girl, have since the moment I met her. I can share things with her that I never could with anyone else. She never judges.

Our physical relationship has always been a part of who we are together. We often sleep in the same bed, and I honestly think I give her something she always lacked in her life, affection. I've never met her parents, but from what she's told me, they're nothing but rich assholes and have always treated her like shit. And although she dates a lot, I know I'm the only guy in her life that she allows this affection from.

And while I offer her affection, she fills that void that I have. The void that's been there ever since Shane died…

"What do you have going on tonight?" She asks, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"I've actually got a date myself."

"Really? With who?"

"This guy named Kendall. We've had a few classes together. He's also in the band that Lucy and I went to go see last night."

"That's pretty hot." She says with a giggle.

"I know." I said, chuckling softly.

Just like Jo, I'm pretty much a serial dater too. Hookups are kinda my thing. I've never even brought a guy around Jo. It's one thing for her to know that I'm gay, but I feel weird having her see me that way. I know this is who I am, but I also know that I haven't completely accepted it just yet.

"So what are you guys doing?" She asks casually.

"Nothing. Just grabbing a bite to eat." I responded, watching as she nodded her head.

"So, tell me how hot he is." She said, laughing a little in the process.

"Hot enough that you'd take him on a second date if he were straight." I said before shifting a little to get more comfortable. "Now shut up and let's take a quick nap before our dates." I said with a grin.

"Fine." She whines before shifting as well.

XxX

I let out a content sigh as I hopped out of the shower, feeling that pang of excitement again. I slung my towel around my waist as I headed into the kitchen to get a beer, in hopes that it would settle the excitement that's going on inside me a little.

I threw a little gel into my hair to help it stay up before grabbing a pair of skinny jeans and a t-shirt. After I finished getting ready, I downed the rest of my beer before getting my keys and heading out towards the elevator. I shot Jo a quick text when I got inside.

_**Text me when you get home tonight? :)**_

It didn't take long for her to reply.

_Will do. Have fun. I love you._

_**Alright. Love you too. :)**_

On the drive to the restaurant, I couldn't get the images of Kendall from last night out of my head. Normally, I would have gone in for a kiss, but something about him made me a little nervous. I try not to think about it too much as I walk in and spot Kendall already sitting at a table. I made my over before taking a seat.

"Hey. Have you been here long?" I asked.

"Nah, just got here. I ordered us a couple of drinks."

"Thanks." I said, just taking notice of how good he looked right now.

"So what did you do today?" He asked.

"Not much." I said, continuing as the waiter came by to drop off our drinks. "Just hung out with one of my friends. That's all. You?"

"About the same. Hit the gym and hung out."

"What gym do you go to?" I asked curiously.

"I go to the gym not too far from campus." He said, to which I nodded my head.

"Yeah, I know where you're talking about. I'm a member at the Athletic Club. It's a little closer to me."

"I need to check that place out now that summer is winding down. I usually workout on campus during the school year, then go to the gym just off campus over the summer. But I've been looking for a change." He said with a small smile.

"You should tag along with me Monday morning." I offered, already knowing that I want to see him again.

"Really?" He asked, a hint of hope in his voice as he sat his drink down.

"Yeah, I'm normally up there by seven." I said, watching as he nodded his head with a slight grin on his face.

"Great. I'll meet you there."

Conversation with him is comfortable as we continue to talk about school and what our plans are for after we graduate next year. I never really care to chat much with the guys I see, but Kendall is pretty cool.

"Did you have a busy summer?" I ask after the waiter drops off our food.

"Eh, kinda. I've been playing more gigs than usual with the band, so that keeps me busy. What about you?"

"I pretty much laid low. Took a few trips out of state to do some surfing." I said, clearly piquing Kendall's interest as he raised his eyebrows.

"Really? How long have you surfed?"

"My whole life. I grew up next to the beach, so it's always been a part of me. I don't do much of it anymore though since it takes hours just to get to a decent spot to catch a wave." I explained. "You ever been?" I asked.

"Surfing? No." He laughed. "I'm from Kansas remember? The only thing we do in the water is sail and fish." He added.

I had to admit, he has a beautiful smile, and I can't help the one that crosses my face when he looks the way he does right now.

"Well, maybe one day I'll get you on a board." I said.

"Don't get your hopes up." He chuckles.

We eat a long dinner, taking our time getting to know each other a little more. After paying the tab, we walked out into the misty night, and I followed him to his car. Before he opens his door, he turns around to face me.

"So, I guess I'll see you Monday."

"Yeah." I respond as I step closer to him and rest my hand on the car next to his shoulder. I wanted to kiss him last night, but I feel those same damn nerves from last night right now. Nerves that I never feel when I'm with a guy. Shoving them down, I lean in, and I'm relieved when Kendall wraps his hand around my neck and pulls me into him, pressing his lips against mine.

We stand there in the light rain and kiss, the anxiety rushing through me the whole time keeping me on edge. He crushed his mouth against mine, and I thrust my tongue past his lips and slide it against his. My body is pressed firmly against him, and I'm getting myself too worked up, so I pull back.

Not releasing his grip on my neck, I stare at him, and he gives me a slight grin as he pulls me back to him and kisses me again. This time, softly. Our lips just rest on each other's for a moment before he drags his off mine.

"See you Monday?" He asks again in a low voice, to which I nodded before taking a step back.

"I'll call you." I respond.

He smiles before turning and hopping into his car, giving me a wave before pulling out of the parking lot.

The intensity that's rolling through my body makes me want to drive straight to his house and continue what we just started here in this parking lot. I get in my car, immediately knocked out of my thoughts when I hear my phone chime. I take it out of my pocket, finding that I have a text from Jo.

_Just got home. How was your date?_

Usually I tell her all about my dates, but there's never been much to say because I haven't ever clicked with anyone before. But this… whatever for Kendall is different, and I'm a little scared to tell her. I wish that I wasn't, but I am, and I'm not entirely sure why.

_**Good. Heading home now.**_

_That's all I get? No dirty details?_

_**Nothing to tell. We ate. We kissed. What are your dirty details?**_

I chuckle a little as I hit send because she never has dirty details. She's pretty low key, but I love to tease her nonetheless.

_Went to the bar. It was weird. He tried kissing me, but I dodged it. Awkward!_

_**Poor guy.**_

_Whatever. I'm going to bed._

_**Alright. Goodnight.**_

Driving home, my mind starts to consume itself with Kendall again, and for the first time, I think that maybe I could give this a chance. Maybe it's time. Maybe…

* * *

**Done! So I know that this chapter was probably boring and seemed like filler, and I guess it kinda is a filler chapter. But wanted to give you a little more information on what James' relationship with Jo is like and also a Kames date!**

**And if anyone was confused about the texting, the bold texts were James and the texts just in italics were Jo :)**

**Although this chapter was a little slow and boring, I'd still love to hear your thoughts on it!**

**And to make up for the chapter being a night late, I'll update again tomorrow! Next chapter will have more of Kames getting to know each other!**

**Until then!**

**-Epically Obsessed**


	4. Chapter Three

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with another late update :P The only reason this is late though is because I've been working on a little something that I'm really excited about. I can't tell you all what it is just yet, but you'll find out soon. I promise :)**

** I'd like to thank winterschild11, ms simmons, Chey21, and mrs. hutcherlark for reviewing last chapter! I'm so glad that you all are loving the James/Jo friendship as well as the fast moving Kames! I promise that the story will start picking up over the course of the next few chapters.**

**By the way, please check out my Author's Note at the end of the chapter!**

**I hope you all enjoy!**

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**Chapter Three**

After exercising at the gym for the past hour with Kendall, I desperately need a cold shower. But instead, he suggested a run, and I somehow agreed. So now we are making our way through the streets of a neighborhood that's not too far from the gym, and I'm dying because running with a hard on is not all that fun. I seriously have to get these thoughts out of my head, and fast.

"So, you plan on moving back to Kansas after you graduate?" I asked, trying to refocus my thoughts on something other than his body that is now covered in sweat.

"I don't think so. I really love it here. Although I miss my family like crazy." He responded.

"You guys close?"

"Yeah."

Must be nice. It's been years since I felt close with my parents. Ever since Shane died, they just avoid me. Back when I was in high school, it was as if I was no longer their son, instead it was like I was just some dude that occupied a room in their home. We barely even speak now.

"What about you? You close with your family?" He asks as we turn onto another street.

"No. We hardly ever talk." I said, the words coming out way more bitter than I intended.

"Why's that?" He asked, furrowing his eyebrows in both confusion and curiosity.

I take a second to gather my thoughts because I immediately want to tell him the truth. I'm not sure why since the only person I've spoken to about my brother was Jo. She had already told me how her parents were and how hard it was for her growing up in a house with them, so when I finally opened up to her, I knew she would be able to relate to me. I decide to go with my gut and tell him the truth.

"I have a brother, but… he died five years ago. And, in a way, my parents did too. I'm pretty much invisible."

"Shit. I'm sorry man."

Hearing the regretful tone in his voice makes me feel bad for making him uncomfortable, so I brush it off quickly.

"Don't be. It's life."

"So I take it you'll most likely stay here after you graduate?" He asks as we turn another corner reaching a dead end.

"I doubt I'll ever go back home. So yeah, I plan on staying." I said.

"Good to know." He responds, a smile forming on his face.

We both power run back to the gym. Once we hit the parking lot, I am thoroughly drained. I opened the back door to my car, grabbing a couple bottles of water from my gym bag. I toss one to Kendall before downing mine quickly.

"Thanks for the workout." He said, moving to lean against my car next to me.

"Anytime."

"So hey, I'm gonna be up on campus later this week. I have to shift a couple of my classes around and the online enrollment isn't letting me make the change. You wanna meet up for coffee or something afterwards?" He asked.

"Sounds good. Just give me a call." I respond as he steps in front of me and leans in, giving me a slow kiss that lingers on my lips.

I wrapped my arm around his waist while fisting his damp shirt, pulling him closer to me. I'm not exactly sure what we're doing, but I want it. I've never felt this way before with anyone else, drawn to them like I am with Kendall. Getting to know each other… I like it, and I like him. But at the same time, I'm wondering what this all means.

He slides his tongue across my lower lip before dipping it into my mouth, licking and exploring. I have to break the kiss before he can tell just how turned on he's making me. Something about him tells me that he isn't into just screwing around.

"You can't keep doing this to me in parking lots." I breathed out, smiling a little when he lets out a chuckle.

"I agree. Can I call you later?" He asks with a bright smile.

"Yeah." I said softly, not quite sure of what I'm getting myself into just yet.

XxX

"You want a drink?" I ask from the kitchen.

"Yes please."

I poured the two of us a drink before heading into the living room, joining Jo on the couch. She's laughing her ass off at some MTV re-run. We usually get together in the evening and watch these shows since we pretty much have the same humor.

"Thanks." She says as I hand her a drink.

I sit down in the corner of the couch as she leans back into me. The bond that we share has only grown stronger over the years. She's always been so honest with me, an open book. I try to be just as open as she is with me , but there are some things that are just too difficult to admit, even to myself. But she's my family, even if it's not by blood. She's the one person I know I can always depend on.

"So what's Lucy up to tonight?" I asked, breaking myself out of my thoughts.

"She's at home with some of her friends just hanging out."

"And you're not with her and her friends because?" I asked, chuckling a little as she shrugged her shoulders. "You're so anti-social." I teased.

"No I'm not." She responds with mock defensiveness, pinching my side as she continues. "I'm here with you, aren't I?"

"Yeah, but you're always either with me or Lucy. That's it."

"Well her friends _are_ slightly annoying. And you know I don't really like being around a whole bunch of people anyway."

"I know. I'm just messing with you." I say quietly, knowing that this is how she's always been.

"Besides, I went on that date the other evening remember?"

"Your date that you didn't even like? That hardly counts." I laughed, only slightly joking.

"It counts." She said defensively, to which I just shrugged.

"So what was it about this guy that you didn't like?" I asked as I finished the rest of my drink.

"We just didn't have anything in common."

"You say that about all of them."

"I know. I just… I have a hard time looking at guys that way." She said before letting out a sigh, closing her eyes in the process.

"You wanna know what I think?" I asked, watching as she opened her eyes to look at me again. "I think that you don't know how to accept or give affection because you've never really had it. Your parents never gave it to you, therefore you never learned how to give it." I explained.

"But I accept it from you." She whispered in response.

"Yeah, but I think that's only because you don't look at me as someone who would ever hurt you."

She looked down for a minute before looking back up at me.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No, but it does prevent you from having other real relationships." I responded.

"And what about you?" She asked, making me stare at her in confusion.

"What about me?"

"Aren't you doing the same thing?" She asked, making me let out a sigh.

She was right. Except now I find myself wanting to change that. I surprised myself when I told Kendall about my brother this morning. I never talk to anyone about that stuff except for Jo. But there's something about him that makes me _want _to be different with him. But I don't want to tell Jo. I'm not really sure what I'm doing, but I don't think I'm ready to reveal to her, or myself for that matter, that I might want something more with him.

"Yeah, I am." I say simply.

She stared at me for a minute before letting out a sigh, turning her attention back to the TV. I tried my best to focus on TV as thoughts of Kendall started to flood my mind.

* * *

**Done! So not too much happened, but at least Kames is getting closer! :)  
**

**Although not much happened, I'd still love to hear your thoughts on the chapter.**

**Next chapter will be... _interesting _to say the least. Any guesses as to what will happen? It was kinda hinted at in this chapter ;)**

**And I was re-reading some of my stories that I've written when I first joined this site, and I was amazed at how much I've improved as a writer. I _feel _like I've improved anyway. So I was thinking of maybe re-writing a story or two this summer! Would you all be interested if I did that? If so, which of my stories would you like to see me re-write? Please let me know in a review or PM :)**

**I'm hoping to have the next chapter of this story up by this weekend, if not sooner so until then!**

**-Epically Obsessed**


	5. Chapter Four

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I would like to start by apologizing for the late update. I've had to study and prepare for finals, and on top of that, I just started a new job! So updates might be a little less frequent for another week or so. But I promise that I will be writing in my free time and trying to update as often as possible!**

**I'd like to thank winterschild11, mrs. hutcherlark, and annabellex2 for reviewing last chapter! **

**I'd like to apologize in advance for this chapter (you'll know what I mean when your read it). I hope you all enjoy! :P**

* * *

**Chapter Four**

"Hey Jay, are you coming out with me tonight?"

I looked up at Lucy, who was standing in Jo's doorway.

"I don't think so."

"Are you serious? Why the hell not?" She asked in mock anger as she took a seat next to me while I lay on Jo's bed.

"I'm supposed to be meeting a friend later." I responded, propping my hands behind my head.

"What friend?" Jo asks as she walks out of her bathroom.

"Kendall." I said simply, watching as both of their eyes widened slightly.

"You're going out with him again?" She asked in surprise before Lucy chimes in and asks, "That guy from the other night?"

"Yes, and yes." I answer, looking between the two of them.

"You're such a slut!" Lucy exclaimed jokingly, making me chuckle a little.

"I didn't know you were seeing him." Jo said as she walked over to her closet, with me not missing what she was implying.

"I'm not _seeing _him. We're just hanging out, that's all." I said, although I knew that's really not all. It's not like we're dating or anything. We _are _just hanging out, but there's a part of me that I think really does want more…

"Fine, ditch me for ass." Lucy said, gently jabbing me in the ribs with her elbow.

"Has anyone ever told you how delicate your mouth is?" I teased while letting out a soft laugh.

I watched as she hopped off the bed before kissing the air while flipping me off. I looked over at Jo, with the two of us simultaneously laughing at the rocker as she walked out of the room.

"Text me later bitch." I hear her call from down the hall.

About a minute of silence passes before Jo speaks up.

"So… do you like him?" She asks, a small smile forming on her face.

"We're just grabbing coffee, that's all." I respond, jumping a little when I feel my phone suddenly vibrate. I couldn't fight the small smile that made its way onto my face when I saw who the text was from.

"I gotta go. He's leaving campus now." I said.

"Okay. You wanna spend the night here tonight?" She asked, to which I nodded my head.

"Sure, I'll text you when I'm on my way." I responded as I got up, throwing on my leather jacket before going to leave.

XxX

Walking into the coffee shop, I see Kendall standing at the counter chatting with one of the staff. I let out a sigh before walking over to him.

"Oh, hey James." He said, his smile seeming to brighten a little. "This is Carlos."

I nodded my head at Carlos, smiling a little when he reached over the counter to shake my hand.

"Nice to meet you." I said.

"Likewise! Anytime you come in, just find me. Coffee's on the house." He said with a cheerful smile.

"Really?" I asked, feeling a little shocked that he was offering me coffee on the house. Especially when we literally just met.

"Of course! Any friend of Kendall's is a friend of mine." He replied.

"He practically owns the place." Kendall informed me while chuckling a little.

"My dad started the business so I'm kinda taking over for him." Carlos said, the bright smile never leaving his face.

The three of us talked for a few minutes until our drinks came out and Kendall and I made our way to an empty table.

"So, did you get your schedule fixed?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I really wanted to get into the new music class but when I first went to register it was full. But I hopped online today and saw that someone had dropped it and there was a seat open." He explained.

"The Tuesday and Thursday music class?" I asked, watching as he took a sip of his coffee before setting it back down.

"Yeah."

"I have that class too." I said, smiling a little knowing that I now had at let one class with him.

"Really? That' cool!" He said, a smile of his own tugging at the corners of his lips.

We wound up talking for a little over an hour, drinking coffee and talking about school. Afterwards, he invites me to come over to his house, so we head out and I follow him in my car as we head back to his place.

XxX

It doesn't take us too long to make it to Kendall's place, which turned out to be a nice two-story house that's not too far from campus. When we walk in, I immediately notice a guy standing in the kitchen.

"Hey Jett. You heading out?" Kendall asks.

"Yeah, some guys I know are throwing a party." He says before looking over at me. "I'm Jett, Kendall's roommate."

Before I can say anything, Kendall jumps in.

"Oh, sorry about that. This is James."

"Nice to meet you. I gotta run though." Jett said, flashing me a quick smile.

"Yeah, nice to meet you too." I said, watching as he grabbed his keys before heading out the door.

Turning to me, Kendall nods his head for me to follow him. We walk through his house, heading straight for his room. When we finally reach it, I don't wait to grab his arm and pull him into me, crashing my lips against his.

I let out a slight groan as he slid one of his hands under my shirt, sliding his other hand behind my neck and holding me close as he started to step us back towards his bed. He breaks the kiss when he lies down, with me crawling on top of him.

Lowering my head, I take my time as I kiss him again, groaning a little as he rakes his fingers through my hair before roughly tugging it. Pushing my tongue past his lips, I slide it against his, tasting him before pulling back and gently biting his bottom lip.

His touch is hot when he runs his hand up under my shirt again, my abs tightening at the excitement of being with him like this. I lower my mouth to his neck and drag my lips up, kissing him behind his ear. When his hand grazes over my chest, I sit back on my knees and reach over my head, tugging my shirt off. I watched as he sat up, removing his shirt as well.

He looks so damn hot, staring up at me the way he is right now. I let out a soft moan as I felt myself swell up, growing hard as I watched him beneath me. Wrapping his arms around me, he brings me back down, and I try to relieve a little of my ache as I grind my hips into him. I can feel that he's just as hard as I am, which does nothing but turn me on even more.

Our breathing is labored, and I want him so bad right now. Sliding my hand down his stomach, I don't stop when I reach his pants. Resting my forehead against his, I slip my hand under his waistband and grip him gently, yet firmly in my hand.

I smile a little when he lets out a moan. I grind my hips into him again, needing more release. Before I can hand, he grips my wrist.

"Wait." He breathes out.

I pull my head back, taking my hand off of him before giving him a worried look.

"What's wrong?" I pant.

He scoots back, and I take that as a sign to roll onto my side, knowing that he was getting ready to explain.

"Look, I really like you. But… I've heard a little about your reputation from a couple guys at school. You need to know that I'm not like that. I don't do the whole casual thing. I just want to make sure we're on the same page here." He explained.

I look into his eyes, not quite sure of what to say. I've only been causal with guys. Hell, even before I was with guys, I was only a fleeting moment with girls as well. I've never really looked beyond that.

"I like you too… a lot." I admit, although I'm not sure I'm on the same page as him. It's unexplored territory for me, and something about being in an actual relationship with another guy freaks me out a bit.

My mind starts to spin, and now I'm questioning myself. Questioning if this is really me. Am I ready to do this? Am I ready to be defined this way? Heck, I haven't even come out to my parents! Anxiety and fear start to rush through me, and I suddenly need space.

"Maybe we should take a breather tonight before we take things too fast." I say, watching as he nods his head.

"Yeah, I agree." He responds.

I reach around his neck and draw him in for a slow kiss. I can't deny how good he feels and how good I feel when I'm with him. I want him, but I'm scared shitless at the same time.

"Can I see you Saturday?" He ask when he breaks the kiss.

"Yeah." I respond. Because apart from being so unsure about our relationship, one thing I'm sure of is that I have to see him again.

XxX

"So what did you guys do?" Jo asks curiously as we sat in the darkness.

"We grabbed coffee. That's all." I said, although I want to tell her the truth. I want her to know my fears, but for some reason, I can't get enough courage to go there yet.

"You gonna see him again?"

"Probably not." I lie, and I have no idea why. Why am I doing this? It's Jo. She would never judge me, I know this. So why am I lying to her.

"We're hopeless, huh?" She asks jokingly, breaking me out of my self-destructive thoughts.

"Totally hopeless." I respond, chuckling a little along with her, doing my best to ignore the emotions welling up inside me as I try to sort through my thoughts.

I like Kendall, there is no doubt about that. But the anxiety I've had since we started spending more time together is stirring up this shame I thought I had let go of. I've been just fine playing the field and having fun, not bothering to question myself or what it all means. Honestly, this is all too much for me to deal with. I thought that maybe I was ready for this, I thought I knew who I was, but it turns out that I'm still confused as shit.

* * *

**Done! Again, I'd like to apologize for my (sort of) attempt at smut. This is the first time I've ever written a smut-like scene like this so... yeah.**

**I'd love to hear any thoughts you have on this chapter! **

**I haven't started on the next chapter just yet, but i'm hoping to have it up by next weekend at the latest. I will also possibly be starting a Marvel inspired BTR story soon! I don't know what pairings I want in the story, but I'm definitely leaning towards Kames. I'll have more details soon. I just wanted to see if you all would be interested, so I'd love to hear your thoughts :)**

**Until next time!**

**-Epically Obsessed**


	6. Chapter Five

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm finally back with a new chapter! Before we get started, I'd like to apologize for the late update, but I've been a little busy laetly. But I've also been working on some things that I'm excited to share with you all in the very near future :)  
**

**I'd like to give a huge thank you to mrs. hutcherlark, winterschild11, CrAzCookyTash12, and annabellex2 for reviewing last chapter! **

**This chapter is the longest in the story so far and also probably the most emotional so far. And I know that most of you may not like what's about to happen, but it's necessary for the story. I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Five**

I sent Kendall a text as I tossed my gym bag into the back of my car.

_On my way._

After the other night, he had called wanting to hit the gym with me. I probably shouldn't have agreed, I know he wants something more than what I think I'm able to give him. What I _know _I'm not able to give him.

In spite of that, I can't help the feelings that overwhelm me every time I talk to him, hell, even when I think about him. So when he called and suggested getting together, I couldn't say no.

_**Hey, I'm running late**_**. **_**Meet me at my house and we can ride together. Jett's home.**_

_Okay. See you in a bit._

When I arrived at Kendall's house, Jett answered the door before letting me in.

"Hey man. Kendall just called and said that he was on his way." He said.

"Oh, okay." I responded, as I followed him into the living room. "What are you up to today?" I asked casually.

"Nothing really. Just hanging out, watching TV." He says as he sits back into the couch. "What are you guys gonna do today?" He asked as I sat down next to him.

"Nothing much. Just going to hit the gym for a couple of hours."

"Cool. So… are you guys dating?" He asks, not taking his eyes off the TV.

"No." I answer way too quickly. Why can't I face this? Why can't I be comfortable enough to say yes?

"No?" He asks for confirmation as he turns towards me, a small smile on his face.

I know that look. I _give _that look. A lot. And when he shifts his eyes to my mouth, I suddenly feel like I'm back in all too familiar territory.

"No." I said with a slight shake of my head.

Meeting my eyes again, I know what he's thinking. Knowing Kendall is on his way home, and as much as I like him, these feelings I'm starting to have for him bring up all the shit I don't necessarily like to think about. Being numb and emotionless with guys is easier, so I take this bait as an easy out from my conflicting emotions. When Jett leans in, I lean in as well.

Grabbing his face with my hands, I tangle my lips with his, knowing that once Kendall walks through that door, it'll all be over, and I can bury all this self-hatred only he's been able to dig back up.

There's nothing behind the kiss aside from pure destruction. I feel sick to my stomach, and when Jett thrusts his tongue in my mouth, I'm consumed with guilt. But I don't stop. Instead, I push him down and hover over him. I let out a slight moan as I felt him reach under my shirt, gently grazing his hand over my abs. I don't stop kissing him when I hear the door open, but I could definitely feel my stomach sink when I hear Kendall's voice.

"What the fuck are you doing?!"

"Shit man!" Jett yelps as he jumps off the couch, well… tries to.

I know what I've done, and really, there's nothing I can say. So I don't speak. I get up off the couch and walk to the kitchen to get my car keys.

"You're not going to say anything?" Kendall questions as I walk past him, hurt and anger evident in his voice.

Grabbing my keys I walk to the door, doing my best to ignore the hurt in Kendall's voice when continues.

"James, please tell me what the hell that was." He pleaded, the hurt and anger only becoming more evident.

But I can't look at him. I feel like a complete ass for what I just did, but I'm a coward. He doesn't deserve it, he's better off without me. So I leave. I walk out the door and straight to my car without ever looking at him. I hate myself for this. All that anguish I've been burying so well finally surfaces, and I lose it. The tears that are blurring my eyes spill over, and I slam my fist into the steering wheel as I speed back to my apartment. I can't even begin to sort my thoughts out. Hopeless… Jo said it the other night, and I couldn't agree more right now. Why can't this be easy? Why can't I just face this?

I hate that I hurt Kendall. The first guy, the _only _guy that I've ever had real feelings for, and I destroyed it before I even gave it a chance. What the hell is wrong with me?

I walk into my apartment, grabbing something to drink before going to lay down in my bed when my phone suddenly vibrates. I'm scared to look at the text that I'm sure is from Kendall. Reaching over, I pick up my phone and swipe the screen, sighing in relief when I see that it's from Jo.

_**Getting off work soon. Can I stop by later?**_

Feeling like a total ass, I don't want to see anyone right now. I love her, but I can't talk to her. Hell, I can barely stand being in the presence of my own thoughts right now. Here I believed for the past three years that I had finally accepted myself, but the truth is, I'm still hiding. I didn't notice it until Kendall came along. He made me realize just how scared of these feelings I really am. It was then that I realized that maybe I don't want a relationship with Kendall because I'm afraid that it'll make it too real for me. Define me. Gay... Queer... Am I ready for that?

Is this the life that I'm meant to have? No woman? No wife? Immediately, I know that it is. I have never been attracted to women the way I've always been to guys. I know I could never have those kinds of feelings for a girl. I've only ever wanted guys. It seems so easy for Kendall to be who he is, as if it doesn't even phase him. Doesn't even bother him. I wonder if it ever has.

I pick up my drink before downing the rest of it before finally texting Jo back.

_I'm out. Maybe tomorrow?_

I can't deal with this right now. I have no idea what I'm doing and now I feel more confused than ever. More than that, I feel lost.

XxX

"Can I get my tab man?" I ask one of the bartenders that passes by.

Moping around my apartment after what I did to Kendall this afternoon was driving me crazy, so I decided to walk up to the local bar in my neighborhood. It was getting late, and I was about to hit my limit with alcohol.

Sitting here alone, trying to think about anything other than what a total dick I am has proven to be harder than I was hoping. I'm sick of the self-pity, wondering why _I _have to deal with all of this. Why can't my life just be simple? Hell, who am I kidding? I know this isn't a choice, even though I wish it were. None of this would even be an issue if I were just straight. Maybe I was better off just being numb, getting what I wanted from guys and not having to worry about what it all means for me.

"Here you go." The bartender says as he hands me my receipt.

I don't even look at it, I just hand him my credit card and turn around in my seat. It's a busy night and people are packed in here. Everyone seems so carefree, happy even. And I have to admit that I'm jealous of them.

Before I turn back in my seat to finish my drink, I spot a familiar tattoo on arms that I vaguely remember. Making his way through the crowd, I definitely recognize his face as he pins his eyes on me and approaches.

'_What's his name?'_ I ask myself. But I can hardly filter through my intoxicated brain to remember who this guy is.

"James. It's been a while mate." He said, his Australian accent immediately clicking.

"Hey Preston."

"Haven't seen you around lately. You just disappeared on me."

I disappear on almost all the guys I hook up with, and Preston is no different. In fact, this was the very bar I met him in the night we messed around several months back.

"Didn't disappear. Just been busy." I respond, not really in the mood to talk.

When the bartender hands me my card, I stand up, shoving it in my pocket.

"You heading out?"

His accent was more than appealing, then I remembered how it was even more appealing in bed. No question, this guy is hot with his short, messy hair, hard build, and the almost cryptic winged tattoo I knew was splayed across his shoulders underneath his shirt. Needing to dull the anguish in my head, I find myself return to my not-so-old habit.

"Yeah. Wanna come with?" I asked.

We head out into the Seattle mist and walk a couple blocks to my building with me staggering as Preston drones on about whatever it is he's talking about. I can't focus because my mind is still with Kendall. I seriously need to get rid of these thoughts of him, they're only making me feel worse.

It's not long before we step into my apartment. I toss my keys towards the coffee table with shoddy aim and hear them hit the floor as I walk to my room. Preston follows and when I clamber into bed, I look up to see him stripping off his shirt before he climbs on top of me.

I'm a fumbling mess, trying to remove my shirt, needing to move quickly in an attempt to clear my head. He doesn't seem to want to waste any time either when he pulls my pants off and tosses them across the dark room. His kisses are rough and aggressive, and I find it distracting because it's such a contrast to Kendall. _God, stop thinking about him._

Returning Preston's intensity, I flip him over, tear open a condom, and almost immediately find myself regretting this hookup when I slam myself inside of him. This used to be fun, but now it just feels wrong. I grip his shoulders, and my emotions start to spin out of control until irritation pervades.

Frustration takes over, and I can't do this. I don't want to do this. Quickly, I push off of him and fall on my back onto the bed.

"You need to go," I pant out.

"Why? What's wrong?" he asks, and when he does, I roll out of bed, rip off the wasted condom, and yank my boxers on.

"Just get out," I throw over my shoulder as I walk out of the room and to the kitchen in search of some aspirin. I used to be able to do this, no problem. Pushing feelings aside, and just taking the moment to be in a place of pure physical indulgence. It hits hard when realization affirms that this isn't what I want . It's Kendall. How could I be so stupid? So weak? Why is it that Kendall, in an instant, made everything I thought I knew about myself irrelevant?

"This is really fucked up, you know?" Preston slings with ill temper as he walks into the living room, and I can't blame him, I'm an ass. I can't say anything else, so I just agree.

"Yeah, I know," I mumble before taking another sip of my water, back towards him.

"What, you can fuck me but you won't look at me?" he asks, becoming more pissed.

"It doesn't even matter," I say in a low, defeated voice as I turn to face him. And to me, he doesn't matter. I'm not even sure I matter.

His words are mixed with threat when he lets out an incredulous laugh and says, "It doesn't matter to you _now._" before slamming the door behind him.

* * *

**Done! I feel bad for both Kendall and James. I told you all that you probably wouldn't like what happens in this chapter and that it would be emotional. But this is all working up to something great. Trust me.**

**And of course Preston is an OC. I based him off a friend of mine. Well, really only his physical characteristics and his accent. He'll be popping up again later in the story.  
**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter! I'd also love to hear your thoughts on James and what he's going through.  
**

**Next chapter will be up within a day or two so keep and eye out for that.**

**Until next time!**

**-Epically Obsessed**


	7. Chapter Six

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with another chapter! I would like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, mrs. hutcherlark, ms simmons, annabellex2, and XxxAnimaniacxxX for reviewing last chapter! **

**I'm glad that you all enjoyed last chapter! I have to admit, I was a little worried writing it as well as this story in general since I've never written James like this, but I think it's coming along nicely. :)**

**I hope you all enjoy the new chapter!**

* * *

**Chapter Six**

My phone reads that it's a little after two in the afternoon when I pick it up off my nightstand. Running my hand over my face, thoughts of what happened last night run through my still sleep-induced head.

'_How is it possible that I feel even worse than I did yesterday?' _I asked myself, suddenly regretting not accepting Jo's offer to come over last night. It would've saved me from making a complete ass of myself. I'd much rather be waking up with her than alone in the bed where I completely used Preston when all I really wanted was to go back in time and erase screwing things up with Kendall.

And now… I needed Jo. I knew that I needed her, and I knew her well enough to know she won't pry. Besides, maybe I'll be able to relax a bit with her around. With that in mind, I grabbed my phone before sending her a text.

_Hey. Can you come over?_

After the text was sent, I dragged myself out of bed, heading to the kitchen to get something to drink. I checked my phone when it chimed, signaling that Jo had responded.

_**Can't right now. I'm at work Everything ok?**_

_Yeah, I just wanted to hang out._

_**Oh… well I can come over after work. See you in a few hours?**_

_Sure, sounds good._

Knowing that she'll be coming over, I force myself to pull it together. If knew that if she saw me like this, she'd worry too much. And the last thing I needed was someone worrying about me. So I decide that tonight will be like any other night for the two of us. We'll hang out, cook, and just relax.

I choose to forego the self-loathing and hit the pavement for a much-needed run and try to do some productive thinking for a change. I toss back my drink, chugging it before throwing on some clothes and heading out.

As I run through the neighborhood, my mind starts to drift again, but this time, I try and focus my thoughts on how to make things right. What I did to Kendall was wrong, no question about it. But if I'm ever going to get to a place where I can stop living a lie and face the truth, then I need to do something. _Why did I have to be such an idiot?_

I think about what my parents would say if they knew. What would they do? Pounding my feet against the ground, I take long strides as the thought of baring myself to my parents sends chills through me.

Forget it. I just need to get away, get out of Minnesota for a while and get some space away from this mess. And as much as I don't want to, I do need to go back home. Check in with my parents. It's been almost a year since I went back. We haven't spoken in a couple months, so just a phone call alone would probably be uncomfortable. I know they'll leave me alone for the most part, and that's exactly what I need right now. Space. Get out in the ocean and do some surfing, some thinking, and maybe hang out with some of my old buddies.

XxX

Calling my mom was awkward, as predicted since we go long spans of time without speaking. She was a little surprised when I asked if I could come home for a visit. When they said it would be fine, and that they would be there, we decided that I would leave at the end of this week and spend a few days with them.

Once that conversation was over, I ran down to the market on the ground floor of my apartment building. I decided to cook fajitas for me and Jo tonight. There weren't a ton of things that I knew how to cook, but I was kind of famous for my fajitas. At least, according to Jo I was.

I heard a knock at the door as I'm slicing the peppers.

"It's open." I called out, watching as Jo walked through the door.

"Hey, you mind if I take a quick shower? Work was a little hectic today." She asks.

"Sure, go ahead. Dinner will be ready soon." I replied, watching as she nodded before heading off to take a shower.

While she showers, I finish chopping the peppers and onions after tossing the sirloin in the skillet of hot oil. When I take the last heated tortilla from one of the skillets , I place it in the oven and look up to see Jo walking in wearing a fresh clean t-shirt and a pair of shorts.

"What are you making?" She asks while walking over.

"Fajitas. I made a lot so you better be hungry." I replied with a small smile as I turned off the oven and went to grab a couple of plates for us.

She chuckles a little before grabbing something for us to drink. Once we have our plates and drinks in hand, we make ourselves comfortable on the couch.

"So what's bothering you?" She asks, catching me off guard.

"What are you talking about?"

"I see it in your face. I know you well enough to know when something is bothering you or when you have something on your mind." She explains before taking a bite of her food.

What's on my mind right now is Kendall. But I don't tell her that.

"I called my mom today." I admit, watching as her eyes widened in shock. She knows we don't talk and barely even have a relationship.

"Really? What did you two talk about?"

"Nothing really, but I'm going back home for a quick visit at the end of this week." I said, watching as she set her food down before giving me a curious look.

"Why?"

"Well, I haven't seen my parents since last Christmas. I just thought that it was time for a visit." I responded.

"Are you… worried at all? I mean, being back home when you guys are so distant with each other?"

"It's not like it'll be different from any other trip back home." I point out before taking a sip of my drink.

"True. I just worry, that's all."

"I know you do. But it's just a short visit to catch up." I said.

I don't tell her the real reason why I'm going because I'm not sure I'm ready to admit all of my insecurities just yet. I don't even want to admit them to myself, but I hate keeping things from her. Especially since she's my best friend.

"When do you leave?" She asks, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"I booked my flight for Wednesday."

"Do you want me to drive you to the airport?" She asks, to which I shook my head.

"No, I'm just going to leave my car there. Who knows if I'll come back early or not, but if I do, I want to have my car available just in case." I responded, watching as she gave me an analytical look before letting out a sigh.

"What's really going on?" She questions.

"Nothing. I've told you about my parents. I just don't want anything to keep me from coming back here in case I want to leave." I said, hoping that she wouldn't question me any further.

"Okay, well when are you supposed to be back?"

"Saturday."

"I feel like there's something you're not telling me." She said, causing me to let out a sigh.

"There's not." I lied. "And let's not talk about my parents anymore okay?" I asked, watching as she nodded her head.

"Okay. I'm sorry."

"Don't be." I said while promising myself that I will tell her everything when I can find a way.

* * *

**Done! Sorry if this chapter was a little boring, but it was a filler as well as a lead in to next chapter, which will be very important as well as kind of a turning point for James.  
**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter!**

**Next chapter will have James' visit with his parents and we will see Kendall again chapter after next. If all goes according to plan, I will update Friday and Saturday so until then! **

**-Epically Obsessed **


	8. Chapter Seven

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back, as promised, with a new chapter! Before we get started, I'd like to thank mrs. hutcherlark, winterschild11, annabellex2, and child who is cool for reviewing last chapter! **

**As I said last chapter, this will focus on James' trip back to California. I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

The flight to California felt almost like time was standing still. But as soon as the plane landed, it suddenly felt all too short. My dad was already there waiting to drive me back to the home I grew up in. Mom had stayed at home, but when we arrived, we said our uncomfortable greetings before she went back to doing whatever she was doing before I walked through the front door.

After tossing my bag in my bedroom, I took out my phone to call Jo and let her know I made it. She said that she couldn't talk long so we cut it short, with me telling her that I probably won't be on my phone a lot so that she won't worry if she doesn't hear from me much.

The house seems exactly the same. Which makes sense since nothing ever really changes here. It's like my parents have been put on pause ever since Shane died five years ago. Like the world suddenly stopped spinning.

I let out a sigh as I walked down the hall to Shane's room before opening the door, finding that everything is still untouched. Photos are still displayed on his pinboard above his desk of him and his girlfriend. He really loved her, and I knew that she loved him just as much. They had both been accepted to California State University. He was so happy that they were going together, and I was happy that he would be less than two hours away from me. I hesitantly closed the door on those memories before heading back to my room and laying down.

I miss him. I miss him so damn much. I think the reason I bonded with Jo so easily is because she reminds me a lot of my brother. Sometimes, I swear Shane led me to her so that I would always have a piece of him with me. But when I thought about it, it sounded a little ridiculous.

I swallow hard before sliding off the bed. I've got to get out of here for a while. Packing up my wetsuit, I head downstairs and borrow the keys to my dad's truck. I load up my surfboard and head down to the beach. I need some space to clear my head.

I spend most of the afternoon in the water, La Jolla is a pretty small town, so it isn't long before I run into some of my friends that I went to high school with. They're home from college for the summer, and I don't get home until after dark.

XxX

The next two days pass by with me dodging my parents. I spend most of my time at the beach, surfing, and hanging out with old friends. Last night, a few of us went to a local bar to hear a couple bands play.

But now, here I am. I have about six hours until my flight leaves to take me back to Minnesota, and I feel no better about the mess I caused with Kendall than I did when I got here. I find myself wandering down to Shane's room again. Walking in, I go over to his dresser and pull out a small photo album he had made of the two of us. He was going to take it to college with him, but I always end up looking at these pictures every time I come home. I sit on the floor and lean my back against her bed as I flip the album open.

I look at a photo of the two of us together on the beach. My eyes are the same color as his, which makes sense since we're twins. But as his eyes bore into mine, I wonder what he would tell me to do.

I just want to be happy. I don't want to feel ashamed or embarrassed. Because I feel this way, I screwed up something that had the potential to be good. I know Shane would want me to be happy. He wouldn't want me be carrying around this secret. Maybe that's it. Maybe this lie needs to end where it began. Here. Shane would want me to be honest with my parents, but it's more than that. I think he would want me to finally be brave enough to be honest with myself.

Besides, what do I really have to lose by telling them? It's not like we really talk. Ever since Shane died, I've been nothing but an afterthought for them, and they hardly even acknowledge me.

Coming out to my parents may just be the thing I need to do to erase gray haze I've been living in. The reality of being out with my parents might be my defining moment… my freeing moment. And as much as the thought of having that conversation with my parents terrifies me, I think it's time that it happens.

I focus in on my brothers eyes in the photo, and I know that he'd have my back no matter what, but I fear that telling my parents could possibly be the end of my family. Even though we hardly speak, they're all I have. And I'm pretty sure that when I get on the plane back to Minnesota, I'll be going back to the only person I have left, Jo.

My mind is in overdrive, dreading and fearing what I'm about to tell my parents. I think about Kendall, honestly, I can't stop thinking about him. I want to call him, to explain why I did what I did.

Standing up, I walk over to the dresser and slip the album back into the drawer. I turn around and stare at his bed while I try to muster up all the strength that I feel is failing me in this moment. Shane would tell me to do this. He wouldn't want me to hurt, and right now, that's all I'm feeling. For many reasons.

My stomach is in knots, and I feel sick as I start walking out of the room. Making my way down the stairs, I feel like I'm losing control with each step I take. What my parents say or do is completely out of my hands, and I'm scared. I don't want to hurt them, but I don't want to hurt myself more than I already have. I hate feeling the shame and embarrassment. I hate the lies. I hate that these feelings caused me to hurt a really good guy who didn't deserve my shit.

When I walk into the living room, my mom is reading a book on the couch next to my dad, who is working on his laptop. Taking a deep breath and trying to grab on to any shred of courage I can find, I sit down in one of the chairs that's across from where my parents are sitting.

"Hi dear." My mom said after looking up and noticing me.

"Hey mom. Um, listen… I need to talk to you guys about something." I stammer out, and I can't believe I'm about to tell them this. My hands are shaking and my heart is beating at an insanely rapid rate.

"Is everything okay son?" My dad asks as he closes his laptop.

"Yeah, I mean, no." I say before taking a second to try and compose my thoughts, but they're all over the place, and I can't seem to find a coherent one floating around in my head. "It's just… something has been bothering me, and I think you should know."

"Oh… is everything okay at school?" My mom asks as she sets her book down on her lap and focuses on me.

"Yeah, it's not that. School is fine." I respond before taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out. I know the words that I need to say, so with my head down, I repeat them over and over in my mind, trying to force myself to actually speak them. _I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. _Lifting my head up, I look at my mom.

"I'm gay." _Shit! I take that back. God, why did I just tell them?_

"I'm sorry, what?" My mom asked with her eyebrows cinched together in confusion.

_Please don't make me say it again._

"What did you just say?" My dad asked in a tone that was none too friendly.

I looked between them, swallowing against my suddenly dry throat.

"I'm gay." I repeated.

"Is this your idea of a sick joke?" My dad asked harshly, and I know what's coming. I knew in my heart that they wouldn't be happy. I knew I'd most likely lose them. But the reality of it feeds the anger within me, and I can feel it boiling inside.

"No, it's not a joke." I said calmly.

"I don't understand. You've always liked girls. You were always dating in high school."

"I know mom, but I've always liked guys more."

"Enough!" My dad snapped. He stood up before starting to quickly pace back and forth across the room, rubbing his head and staring at me with fury. "No son of mine is a faggot. I don't know what the hell is going on, but I've heard enough."

"I had to tell you. I'm sick of lying about who I am. I needed you to know so that I can stop hiding." I said, doing my best to ignore the sting at my dad's words.

"But, you haven't actually… well, I mean…" My mom stammered with my dad cutting in.

"God, of course not Brooke!"

His condescending tone is fueling me to throw it all out there. Standing up, I snap.

"What? Kissed a guy? Slept with a guy? Yes, I have."

"Get out of my house." My dad demands in a low, stern voice.

I look over at my mom, who is sitting there in shock. With her eyes fixed on me, she shakes her head before speaking.

"Listen to your father." She said softly, tears begin to fall from her eyes as she stands next to my dad and continues. "I thought losing your brother was bad, but you… knowing that you're going to hell, come in here and shame what's left of this family…"

"You need to get your things and go. Until you can sort yourself out, you're not welcome in this house. You hear me?" My dad snapped, cutting my mom off in the process.

"I'm your son!" I yelled, making a last ditch effort to get through to them.

"No, you're not. Not anymore." He said sternly.

I don't say another word. There's nothing left for me to say. Why would I want to beg these people to accept me? Why should I have to? I turn around and walk back upstairs to my room to pack my bags and call a cab. Pain rips through my chest, knowing that I've just lost the only family I have left. No matter how distant we are, it still hurts, and it's another burden I'll have to carry with this life that chose me. I've always blamed the lack of love they have for me on the agony of losing their son.

But now I know, that regardless of whether Shane was dead or alive, they still wouldn't accept me for who I really am. I walk down the hall to her room and open the door. I go into his closet and take her La Jolla High hockey jersey he always used to wear. Closing the door, I walk over to his dresser, open the top drawer and grab the photo album.

Taking both of these items, I walk back to my room and pack them into my bag. I just can't walk away from here without taking pieces of him with me. I zip my bag and let my fears, my worries, my sadness rip out of me. I sit on the floor, against my bed, and the tears fall. I'm so fucking lost right now. I don't know what to do or where I belong. I feel like everything is crashing down on top of me, and the pain in my chest is almost unbearable.

With my head in my hands, I break down. Being in this house is agonizing. What once held good memories, now only holds burning ones. Knowing my cab will be here any minute, I take my bags and head downstairs. My parents are still in the living room, and they don't even look up when I walk through and make my way to the front door. It's as if I don't even exist.

* * *

**Done! This was originally going to be longer, but I thought that this was a good place to leave it and decided to split it into two parts. Which means that unfortunately, we'll have to wait another chapter to see Kendall again. (P.S. I typed this in a rush so I apologize for any mistakes there may be in this chapter)**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter! I'd also like to hear your opinions on James' parents reaction and how you think this might affect James. I really hope I did a good job with this chapter, especially with James coming out to his parents. **

**Next chapter is sort of the aftermath and will focus on James returning to Minnesota. I plan to have it up either tomorrow or Sunday. And if any of you are following my story Right In Front Of You, the last chapter will be uploaded this weekend as well!**

**Until next time!**

**-Epically Obsessed**


	9. Chapter Eight

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm sorry for the late update, but the good news is that I'm officially on summer vacation! I have to work on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but I should have a lot more time to write! Before we get started, I'd like to thank TheLoganTrain (Guest), annabellex2, winterschild11, child who is cool, and mrs. hutcherlark for reviewing last chapter! **

**Like I said, this chapter is pretty much a continuation of last chapter and pretty much deals with the aftermath. I hope you all enjoy the new chapter!**

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

I'm thoroughly drained when I finally get off the plane and get to my car. As weak as it sounds, I just want to go back to the only home I know. I just want to sit down with her and tell her all this shit and let it out, knowing that she loves me regardless of anything I could possibly say.

I shove my luggage into the back and slide into the driver's seat. When I turn my phone on, I see I have a missed text from Jo.

_**Heading out for a few hours. Come by later? I'm dying to see you.**_

Knowing that she thought about me enough to even send this text is all I need. I breathe in a sigh of relief and head straight to her house when I see that the text was sent a couple hours ago. Even if she isn't home yet, hopefully Lucy will be. I just need my friends right now.

I stop by the liquor store first and pick up some wine before driving to their place. When I pull up, both Lucy's and Jo's cars are parked in the driveway. I've always had a key to their house, so I don't even bother ringing the doorbell. I just unlock the door and walk right in.

"Hey girls." I call out, and before I can make it to the kitchen to set the wine down, Jo runs into the living room and gives me a big hug . God, this feels good. It's only been a few days, but I've missed her like hell. She looks up at me, and with a huge smile on her face, she gives me a peck on the cheek and takes the wine. Lucy steps in and wraps her arms around me as I watch Jo walk into the kitchen.

Lucy starts chatting about some band she saw last night as I make myself comfortable on the couch. Jo walks back into the room and sits on the floor, opening the wine and pouring herself a glass.

"So how was your trip to San Diego?" Jo asked as she handed me the bottle.

"It was good. I hung out with friends, went out to a few bars, saw some bands. You know, the usual visit home." I said as I poured myself a glass of wine. I don't tell her what really happened because I want to talk to her about it in private, away from Lucy. Not that I won't tell her, but I just want to talk with Jo about it first.

"Well, we're glad you're back," Jo says with a smile and then takes a sip of her wine.

"You have no idea how happy I am to be back," I say in all seriousness.

"Man, was it that bad, Jay?" Lucy asked.

"It's just not home to me anymore. Plus, I missed you guys." I laugh in an attempt to shift my mood from its current somber one. "So, what have I missed?" I ask and then down my wine faster than I should, but I'm desperate to take the edge off.

"Well, Jo is dating a douche from the country club," Lucy says as she winks at Jo.

"I am not!" She squeaked, making me wonder what the hell I've missed in the past few days. "We went out for drinks. That's all." She explained.

"Are you going out with him again?" Lucy questions, teasing Jo, and I can tell she's getting under her skin.

"You're seeing him again?" I ask in shock. Who is she giving a second date to?

"No. I mean, yes. God, really, it's no big deal." Jo said, clearly getting a little frustrated.

"Must be if he's getting a second date." I muttered as I took another sip of my drink. "Is that where you were earlier? On your date?" I asked.

"Uh-huh." she nods.

"Where did you guys go anyway? You never told me," Lucy asks as she folds her legs underneath her.

"We went to Cosmos."

"I love that place," Lucy said, letting out a content sigh before changing the subject. "Anyway, new subject. What the hell are we doing this week before classes start back up?"

"I have things I need to finish for school. Besides, I have to work." Jo replied

"You always keep yourself so busy." I said. I wish that she wouldn't. I feel like she hides too much behind her school and work.

We kick back for a while, and I enjoy this much-needed distraction from what happened earlier today. We talk about school and what our schedules are going to be like this next quarter. I can tell that Jo is tired, so when Lucy and I decide to turn on the TV, I looked over at here.

"Come here." I said softly as I motioned for her to sit next to me.

Lucy turned on some random show as Jo laid down with her head on my lap. I comb her hair with my fingers as I sit back and only half pay attention to the TV. After a while, I look down, only to find that Jo is passed out.

"Is she asleep?" Lucy whispers in my direction, and I nod my head yes. I let her sleep for a little bit longer before I decide to go lay her down.

"I'll be right back. I'm gonna try and get her to her room without waking her." I said to Lucy as I maneuvered from under Jo to stand up.

"Okay. I'll go grab the other bottle of wine." She replied.

I nodded my head before scooping Jo up in my arms. This chick is tiny and barely weighs anything, so getting her into her bed is no problem. She's already in her pajamas, so I lie her down and pull the covers over her before heading back out to the living room.

Lucy and I drink the second bottle of wine, and wind up hanging out for a couple more hours. When she passes out on the couch, I head to Jo's room, letting out a soft sigh before sliding into bed behind her, I wrap my arms around her and draw her in close to me. She presses into me, tucking herself tighter against my chest.

"Did I wake you?" I whisper.

"Yeah, but it's okay," she says softly. "What time is it?"

"Around two. You passed out, so I carried you in here and hung out with Lucy for a while longer."

"Is she asleep?"

"Yeah, and snoring like a beast." I said, to which she just laughed, the sound making me laugh a little as well. She rolls over and lays her head on my chest , and I wrap my arms tightly around her. I feel like I'm clinging to the only person I have left to depend on.

"So, why did your trip really suck? I know something's bothering you." She questions, and I love that she can read me so well.

"I told them." I said, her grip on me tightening at the confession.

"What did they say?"

"They threw me out." I said with my chest starting to ache. Each breath I take almost feel like painful stabs. I know she is crying when I feel her tears roll onto my chest. I hate that she's hurting for me, but in a way, it comforts me to know she cares so much.

"I'm so sorry. Why didn't you call me?"

"I don't know. I was embarrassed, I guess. I haven't told anyone what happened. I don't want the pity."

"You know I don't pity you, right?"

"Yeah." I whispered, feeling a little more free now that I've told her. I know I have a lot more to tell her, but I won't tonight. I don't want to make her more upset, and honestly, I just don't think I have it in me right now. I'm tired and have had way too much to drink.

"I'm not sad because I pity you. I'm sad because I love you. When your heart hurts, so does mine. Your pain is my pain." She said, each of her words lifts more and more weight off my chest. We lie there and I just hold her.

"You know that this is your home, don't you? Right here with me and Lucy. We're your home. And we don't give a shit that you like guys." She said gently, to which I just silently nodded.

I allow her words to comfort me, the words I wish my parents would've said. I can feel my tears running down my face, and I try to keep my emotions under control so she can't see how upset I really am.

"James?" She whispered.

"Yeah?"

"I love you." She said, causing a genuine smile to form on my face.

"I love you too."

* * *

**Done! Again, there won't be anything romantic happening between Jo and James. Just some friendly affection :) So this was somewhat of a filler chapter, but I hope you all enjoyed it! **

**I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter as well as your thoughts on the James/Lucy/Jo friendship! :)**

**Kendall will come back into the picture next chapter, which will be up on Saturday! Until then!**

**-Epically Obsessed**


	10. Chapter Nine

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back, as promised, with another update! Before we get started, I'd like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, ms simmons, child who is cool, XxxAnimaniacxxX, TheLoganTrain, and annabellex2 for reviewing last chapter!  
**

**As promised, Kendall makes a return in this chapter! I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Nine**

I haven't spent much time with Jo this past week. She's been picking up a lot of extra shifts at work to make some extra money before classes start back up next week. I've been dreading having to face Kendall since we have a couple of classes together this semesterr. I still think about him a lot and feel terrible for what I did. I've thought about texting him, but I have no clue what I could possibly say at this point.

Since I came back home, I haven't spoken to my parents, so I can only assume they meant what they said. It hurts. It hurts to know that I might never see or speak to them again. I just don't understand how you can turn your back so easily on your child. It makes me think that everything with them, all of the good, was nothing but a lie. Maybe that's where I learned it from. Maybe pretending comes so easily to me because it's all my parents ever did.

I don't really know what I gained from telling them. It didn't give me what I was hoping for. I'm not sure what it'll take or what I have to do to be more at peace with myself. I've been trying to keep busy so my mind doesn't wander too much. I've been spending a lot of time in the gym and running.

I was shocked when Jo said that she was coming out with Lucy and me tonight. She never goes out with us, but lately, she's been coming out of her shell a little more. I think all the fighting with her parents has finally taken a toll on her and she's looking for some sort of release. She even said that the guy she went out with the other day is coming along. I'm not sure if she even likes him, but I'm happy she's giving it chance.

I decide to head out a little early, needing the distraction. When I arrive at the club, I spot some of my friends that are already here. We sit around and talk for a while before my eyes catch Kendall as he's walking in. _Shit!_ It feels like a brick falls in the pit of my stomach. God, he looks good, and a part of me, a really big part, wants to go over and talk to him, but I'm sure I'm the last person he wants to see.

Right behind Kendall, Lucy and Jo walk in, and Jo can't get to me fast enough . I walk toward her and quickly grip her arm, rushing her over to the bar at the back of the club.

"You thirsty?" she asks, her voice laced with sarcasm.

"Not really. I just saw Kendall." I replied, still freaking out on the inside.

When we get up to the bar, we hop onto a couple of barstools.

"Isn't that the hottie you used to see that plays guitar?"

"Exactly." I said, giving her a serious look knowing that she didn't know the severity of the situation since I still haven't told her what happened between me and Kendall.

I flag down the bartender and order us some shots and bottles of beer.

"Okay, spill it. Clearly you're into getting drunk, so tell me what happened." She demands, eyeing me from the side.

When the bartender sets the drinks down in front of us, I push two of the shots and a beer over to her, and we both knock the tequila back quickly before I let out a sigh.

"He caught me kissing his roommate." I said, internally wincing as she immediately starts laughing at me, not knowing how I ever felt about him.

"You can be a slut sometimes, you know?" She said in a joking manner.

"Trust me. I know," I say and hand her the second shot. "He was really pissed off. I actually feel like total shit about it." I admitted after we downed our second round of shots.

She lays her hand on my arm and gives me a concerned look, but she is instantly distracted when a guy comes up from behind and pulls her into his arms. She turns around to face him.

"Hey Jack." She says with a small smile, with me laughing to myself when she nearly stumbles off the barstool and into his arms.

She never handles hard liquor too well, and it doesn't take much for her to feel the effects. She introduces us, and I give him a handshake. I continue to drink my beer as Jo and Jack talk. This guy doesn't really strike me as her type, and I can't help but feel a little protective of her. She really doesn't have anyone in her life to care for her other than Lucy and myself. I know that Jo considers the two of us her family, and there is no doubt that she is my family as well. When I turn back to look at her, she is rolling her eyes at something Jack just said, and I can't help but laugh at her.

He leans in and whispers something in her ear and the next thing I know, they're making their way to the dance floor. I order another drink when Lucy grabs the now empty barstool.

"Are we getting drunk?" She asks, with me giving her a wink as I take a long swig of my beer.

"Perfect." She says with a grin that could only mean trouble before yelling at the bartender for a beer. When he slides one to her, she starts chugging the damn thing and turns around in her seat. "Holy shit!"

"What?" I asked, watching as she points the neck of her bottle in the direction of the dance floor

"Our girl is giving her date a hard on."

I turn around and spot Jo dancing with Jack. I can't help but let out a slight laugh seeing acting so out of character. She is always so quiet and reserved, and she is nearly making out with this dude in the middle of the club.

"What the hell has gotten into her lately?" I asked Lucy.

"She said that she feels like she hasn't really let loose since coming to college. I guess this is her way of having some fun. It's pretty damn amusing if you ask me. Our quiet little Jo, acting like a hooker." She said, causing me to shake my head.

"You know damn well that Jo would never do anything with that guy." I responded.

When we see Jack's hands squeeze her ass, we both bust out in a fit of laughter, nearly doubling over at her crazy behavior.

"You sure about that?" Lucy says through her giggles.

I stay at the bar and continue to nurse my beer. Lucy has ditched me, and when I turn to see where she went, I spot Kendall again. I watch him laughing with a group of his friends, and I wish I could be over there with him. I'm sure he hasn't seen me since I've been hiding out back here. I finally stand up and make my way over to the rest of our friends and see that Jack is sitting alone.

"Where's Jo?" I ask as I sit next to him.

"That crazy rocker chick dragged her to the bathroom." He says with a soft chuckle.

"That would be Lucy. She's like a rabid squirrel on acid sometimes." I say with laughter.

When Jo makes her way back over to us, she asks Jack what he's laughing at as she wedges herself in between the two of us.

"I can't even remember now that you're here." Jack responded.

The look on her face is priceless, and I chuckle under my breath. She has no clue how to respond when guys say sweet things to her. She always gets so embarrassed, and Jack is completely clueless.

It's getting late, so Lucy and I call it a night. Jo decides to stay a little while longer with Jack, so we say our goodbyes and head out. Walking out to the parking lot, I notice Kendall heading to his car.

"Hey, I'll catch you later, okay?" I say to Lucy, not taking my eyes off the blonde.

"Yeah, have a good night." She says as she turns to her car.

I'm not sure what I'm doing or what I'm gonna say, but I call out Kendall's name.

I watch as he turns around, and when he looks at me, he shakes his head.

"We've got nothing to talk about."

"Wait. Just give me a second." I pleaded.

I hate feeling like I have been for the past couple of weeks, and I figure if I can be honest with my parents, then I can be honest with him. He deserves an explanation and an apology.

He leans against his car and folds his arms across his chest as I approach. Clearly he's still pissed. But what he does to me when I'm around him is something that I can't explain. I feel it in my chest, it courses through me, and suddenly I'm nervous.

"Can I just explain myself?" I ask as I step in front of him.

"I don't really think there is anything you could say at this point."

Dropping my head, I take a second before looking into his eyes, and I instantly feel a need to beg him for another chance. I'm not quite sure where this is coming from, but I take a huge leap and follow my heart.

"I know 'I'm sorry' isn't enough, but I am. I really fucked up." I say as I go to move beside him and lean up against the car next to him. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I make my confession. "I was scared."

When I say this, Mark finally turns his head and looks at me giving me the courage to continue.

"I was scared because I've never done this before. I've never wanted to be around another guy the way I want to be around you. The thing is . . . I'm not sure what the hell I'm doing." I confess.

"Why couldn't you just talk to me?"

"Because it wasn't until I met you that I realized I was terrified to admit that I'm gay." I say before stopping for a second, trying to find the words to explain myself. "I mean, I've always known, but the idea of a relationship just seemed too defining, and I wasn't sure I was ready. I . . . a part of me is still really uncomfortable with this." I admit.

"So what does that have to do with you making out with Jett?"

"I didn't know how to talk to you, so it was my fucked up way of destroying whatever it was that we had going on so that I didn't have to deal with it." I am nothing but honest with him, and although I could just be pissing him off even more, I feel like I owe him this.

He turns his head away from me and focuses straight forward. I notice his clenched jaw, but I stay quiet, waiting for some kind of response.

"I really liked you, you know?" He says quietly, keeping his eyes straight forward.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, with him surprising me with next few words.

"I still really like you."

My heart thuds hard in my chest when he tells me this. He still doesn't look at me, but I decide to return his honesty.

"I flew home and told my parents last weekend. I never told them before because I was afraid of what that meant for me." He looks at me when I say this and takes a moment before responding.

"You don't have to explain. I've been there. I felt the same way." He says, with me nodding my head as I finally realize that if only I would have been honest with him, he possibly could have really helped me. Maybe he still can.

"What did they say?" He asks.

Shaking my head, I turn to look away from him before responding.

"It's over. They threw me out, told me not to come back or call." When I turn to look back at him, the look in his eyes is of disbelief. "I wasn't completely surprised. I knew that would most likely be their reaction."

"Then why?"

"I hoped it would help me come to terms with all of this."

"Did it?"

"Honestly . . . I don't know, but at least I'm able to tell you everything I was too scared to say before." We stand there without speaking when the mist turns into thicker sprinkles, but we don't move. I wish I knew what he was thinking. I'm feeling anxious and extremely exposed right now. But he gives me a little hope when he turns to face me.

"So what do you want now?"

"I know I don't have any right to ask you to forgive me, but I feel like absolute shit for what I did, and I'm so sorry." I swallow hard before I speak again. "I really like you Kendall. I just want a chance to show you that I'm not an asshole."

"I know you're not an ass, but you really let me down. I'm not sure I can trust you."

"Let me show you that you can," I say, and I know with those words that I can't let my fears get in the way again. I need to face this. I need to learn to be okay with myself.

When I see him nod his head, I can't fight my smile. I want to kiss him. God, I want to kiss him so bad, but I don't. I just wrap my arms around him and pull him in for a hug, my smile widening a little when I feel his arms wrap around me.

"I'm so fucking sorry." I whisper.

"No more apologies. Let's just start over." He says as leans back slightly , and I don't take what I want to take. I want him to know that I want something more than just that.

"Coffee? Tomorrow?" I ask, watching as a smile forms on his face.

"Sounds good. I'll call you when I wake up." I nod my head and take a step back when he opens his door and hops in the driver's seat. I turn around as he starts to close his door, stopping when he says my name.

"James… thanks for being honest with me." He says, causing me to fight yet another smile.

"Thanks for giving me the chance." I say softly before heading to my car.

* * *

**Done! So Kames is officially on the way to mending their friendship/relationship! This is probably one of my favorite chapters so far.  
And don't worry, there's still plenty of this story left! We're not even really near the halfway point yet :)  
**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter as well as the Kames talk and your thoughts on James!**

**Next chapter might not be up until next weekend since I'm now working on updating other stories, but until then!**

**-Epically Obsessed**


	11. Chapter Ten

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with a new chapter! Before we get to that though, I would like to give a huge thank you to these readers for reviewing last chapter!**

**winterschild11**

**Charlie-Rose94**

**CrAzCookyTash12**

**annabellex2**

**mrs. hutcherlark**

**child who is cool**

**ms simmons **

**XxxAnimaniacxxX**

**Again, thank you all so much for you reviews and kind words! ****I'm glad that you all enjoyed the Kames heart to heart last chapter! If you enjoyed last chapter, then I'm pretty sure you're going to LOVE this chapter! :)**

**I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Ten**

I couldn't fight the smile that had mad its way onto my face.

Kendall had called this morning just like he said he would. I suggested that we meet up at the coffee shop on the ground floor of my apartment building. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous about all of this, but the feeling of not wanting to walk away from Kendall is stronger than my fear of defining who I am to myself.

I shrugged on a t-shirt before grabbing my keys and making my way to the elevator. I arrive at the coffee shop before he does, so I go ahead and get a coffee before finding a seat by the window to wait for him. I let out a soft sigh as I turn to glance out the window, noticing how hard it's raining and watching as the rain falls from the dark sky.

I pull out my phone and shoot Jo a text, knowing that I need to talk to her about everything that's been going on.

_Hey you. Can we meet up later?_

I sit for a while and drink my coffee before my phone buzzes with her response.

_**Hey! Sure, I'll be home.**_

_Okay, I'll text you in a bit._

"Hey man." I hear Kendall say, and I shove my phone in my pocket as I stand up to give him a hug. I'll take all the touches I can get from this guy.

"How's it going?" He asks as we sit down.

"Pretty good. You?" I ask as he nods his head, taking a sip of his coffee before leaning forward, resting his elbows on the table.

"Well… I was thinking about what you said last night. About your parents and all."

"Don't worry about it." I said while shaking my head, not wanting him to have to worry about it.

"Are they all the family you have?" He asks, seemingly ignoring my request.

"Yeah, but we haven't been close for a long time. It's not like we ever really spoke." I said, trying to make see like it wasn't the big deal that it actually was.

We sat there in silence for a moment, with him taking a long sip of his coffee before speaking again.

"So what are you gonna do?"

"There's nothing I can do. It's done with. They were pretty final with what they said. And I know them well enough to know that when they shut down, they don't open back up." I responded, watching as he shakes his head. I know that this bothers him, so I give him a little assurance. "I'm not alone, if that's what you're worried about. I have a really close friend that I've always considered family."

"Oh yeah?" He asks with a raised eyebrow, even though I can see a sense of relief in his eyes.

"Yeah. Actually, I should probably talk to you about her." I said, knowing that I need to explain our relationship to him because I know it isn't typical. He needs to know how we are, and I need to know if this bothers him.

"Okay? You're making me nervous." He says with a chuckle.

"No, it's nothing crazy." I assure him with a soft chuckle of my own. "We just have a strong relationship, and I want you to understand that it's nothing beyond friendship."

"What do you mean?" He asks as I lean back in my seat.

"We're really close. I mean, we're physically close as well. We can get pretty touchy feely with each other. It's just always been that way with us. Her name's Jo. She's a sweet girl, but in many ways, extremely closed off. Her parents are dicks to her. But, anyway, I just need you to know that we spend a lot of time together. Sometimes we even spend the nights in each other's beds, but it isn't like what most people would assume at all. She's just a friend… well, family really. She's all I've had for a long time." I explain.

He nods his head, but doesn't say anything, which makes me nervous. For a moment, I worry that he might not be okay with this.

"I think it's good you have someone like that in your life." He finally says, causing me to relax a bit.

"Are you sure you don't have a problem with it?" I ask hesitantly.

"Look, I don't know much about you, but I hate that you don't have a family that supports you." He says, and I can tell from the emotion in both his voice and eyes that his words are genuine. "So if this girl can give you what you can't find from anyone else, then yeah, I can be okay with it." He adds, causing me to inwardly let out a sigh of relief.

"So… how did your parents react when you told them?" I ask after a minute, curious about his family.

"They took it pretty well. I didn't tell them for what felt like a long time. I was terrified they'd react badly. I was scared shitless to be honest. But it worked out. My parents have never treated me differently from the way they always have. They love me regardless. And it really bothers me that you didn't get that." He says, giving me a sympathetic look.

I can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy, wishing that I had what he has. How easy it must be, but in a way, he's right. Although I have Jo, I still feel very much alone.

"Well, since I can't introduce you to my family, you want to try and get together with me and meet Jo and her roommate, Lucy? They're pretty much who I spend most of my time with." I offer, watching as a big smile forms on his face.

"I'd love to."

I smile back and can't really understand why he's being so nice after what I did, but I'll take whatever he gives me, and right now, it's more than I deserve.

"Okay, I'm going to see Jo later today, so I'll find out when she's free. Maybe sometime this weekend?" I ask.

"Yeah, sounds good. I don't have anything going on. Just planning on taking it easy before classes start back up on Monday."

We chat for a while until we finish our coffee.

"You wanna come over to my place for a while?" I ask as we throw away our empty cups.

"Yeah, where do you live?" He asks, causing me let out a light laugh.

"Right here. I live in this building."

"That's convenient." He says with a knowing smirk as we head out.

When we get off the elevator and head into my apartment, we make ourselves comfortable on the couch and flip on the TV, although we don't watch it because it doesn't take but a second for Kendall to distract me.

He reaches over and threads his fingers with mine. Staring at me with his deep green eyes, I slowly move in and brush my lips against his. After a few seconds, I tug him closer to me and press my lips more firmly onto his. I can tell that he didn't shave this morning, and the roughness of his kisses do nothing but turn me on.

I hate that I had to hurt him to be able to be with him like this. I should have just been honest. I should have trusted him. Pushing those thoughts away, wanting to be here with him and not in my scattered head, I loop my arms around his waist and pull him down on top of me as I lie on my back.

He hovers over me, running his hand down my cheek to my neck and wraps it around the back of my head, lifting me closer to him as he slips his tongue in my mouth. I run my hand up his smooth back, underneath his shirt, and when he grinds himself against me, I can feel what I'm doing to him. I tug at the hem of his shirt and peel it off. Wrapping my arms back around him, I hold him against me.

Moving the way we are together ignites more than just lust inside me, but feelings I never knew were there. The connection that I feel with him, even though I still don't really know him, is intense. I know that he isn't into anything causal, he's told me this, and that makes this even better because for once, I don't want to walk away.

"Same page?" He asks suddenly after moving his lips from mine, and I know that he wants confirmation for this same question he asked me a couple weeks ago. The question I was too afraid to acknowledge.

Looking up at his flushed face, able to respond this time, I nod my head.

"Same page." I breathe out, and my anxiety about this starts to dissolve into happiness when he looks at me with a breathtaking smile on his face.

I watch his muscles flex as he slowly lowers himself onto me and reaches down, slipping his hand under the waistband of my gym shorts. When he wraps his hand around me, I let out a low growl of pleasure that pulses through me as I harden under his touch. His grip is strong as I fist my hands in his hair and slam my mouth over his. Not holding back, I possess his mouth with my tongue as his hand continues to work me.

Fumbling with his belt, I manage to unclasp it and pop the buttons open on his pants. I yank them down enough to be able to freely give him back what he's giving me. He's hot to my touch, and just the feel of him is enough to keep me from holding on any longer. I thrust myself into his hand, burying my head in his neck, and moan in intense pleasure as he makes me come. He doesn't let go of me as I begin to pump him in my hand, gripping tight.

He lets his body fall onto mine, and we shift to our sides. He takes my lips with his, and I move with him in a way I haven't with anyone else. I go slow and take my time, not wanting to take my hands off of him anytime soon.

* * *

**Done! Told you that you would probably love this chapter ;)**

**So as you can see, James being honest did open up his relationship with Kendall. That's not to say that everything is perfect (which you will see in upcoming chapters), but things are definitely moving in the right direction.**

**By the way, I hope you all enjoyed the Kames moment (you know which one I'm talking about) ;) I hope that I did a good job with it!**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter as well as the Kames moment and talk!**

**Next chapter will be up in a few days! It'll have James' talk with Jo. I'm hoping to have it up by Thursday with another chapter up by Saturday, so fingers crossed!**

**Until next time!**

**-Epically Obsessed**


	12. Chapter Eleven

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with another chapter! Before we get started, I would like to thank child who is cool, winterschild11, annabellex2, KLovesJAndItMakesMeHappy, ms simmons, TheLoganTrain, and mrs. hutcherlark for reviewing last chapter!  
**

**I'm so happy that you all are enjoying the story so far! I have quite a bit planned for this story and I'm really excited about it! This chapter is a little shorter than usual, but I hope you all still enjoy! :)**

* * *

**Chapter Eleven  
**

_Heading over to your place. _I texted Jo as I walked through the parking garage to my car.

_**Okay. Just let yourself in.**_

Kendall ended up staying over most of the morning. I couldn't deny that I felt pretty good about where we stand at this point. Allowing myself to open up to him and lay it all out there for him to know freed some of the fear inside of me.

When I pull up to Jo's house, I notice that only her car is in the driveway, meaning that Lucy wasn't home. Knowing that Lucy isn't here, I go straight up to Jo's room. She's sitting at her desk doing something on her laptop as I walk in.

"Hey."

"Hey." She says as she closes her laptop.

I lie down on her bed as she gets up from her chair and walks over to lie next to me. I was worried that Kendall would have an issue with Jo, but I think that he'll have a better understanding of us when he meets her. I let out a sigh as she lays her head down on the pillow next to me and I shift to face her.

"I need to talk to you about something." I say softly, even though I'm still a little nervous. Not nervous about her reaction, it's me. It's taking another step towards cementing the fact that this is truly me.

"Okay, talk." She says as she turns towards me.

"I haven't been completely open with you about some stuff that's been going on, and I need to talk to you about it and tell you everything."

"Okay." She says slowly with worry.

"I should have told you about this from the start, but I was embarrassed and scared."

"James, you can tell me anything." She assures me.

"I know, and that's why I feel so awful." I say before letting everything out. "I ran into Kendall last night when I left the club. He was kind of the reason I went home and came out to my parents. I really like him. I mean… I like him more than I have ever liked anyone. You know how I am with guys, but with him, it's different, and it started stirring up a lot of stuff I thought I had gotten past."

"I don't understand."

"I told you what it was like for me in high school. Well, I thought I was over that. When I met Kendall and started spending time with him, I had feelings for him in a way I hadn't ever felt towards another guy. It scared me. And when he told me that he wasn't interested in anything casual, I freaked out." I explained.

"Like, the idea of having a real relationship with a guy would solidify that you're gay?" She asks.

_Wow, she completely gets it._

"Yeah." I say before continuing. "So I went to his house when his roommate was there, knowing that Kendall would be home soon, and made out with him so that Kendall could catch us. I felt like shit, but I was too much of a coward to just be honest with him. Honestly, I still feel like shit."

"That's awful… what did he say?" She asks, giving me a sympathetic look.

"Nothing really. I knew I'd hurt him. I was such a dick… I didn't even say anything to him. I just grabbed my keys and walked out."

"So you went home to tell your parents because you thought that it would be easier for you to accept you were gay if you came out?"

"Do you know how much I love you?" I ask, chuckling a little at the grin that forms on her face. "I should have known you would understand. I shouldn't have kept this from you."

"It's okay. I understand why you did. But I hate that you were going through this and I wasn't there for you." She says gently.

"I'm sorry." I say, watching as she waves a dismissive hand.

"So, you talked to him last night? What did you say?"

"I was just honest. I apologized and explained everything. I even told him about my parents."

"How did it go?"

"He told me that, despite what I did, he still has feelings for me, and I told him that I do too. So he asked if we could just start over. He came over for coffee this morning and we talked more about family and stuff." I say with a shrug, even though I couldn't help the warm feeling that I got when I thought back to the events of this morning.

"So, are you two seeing each other? I mean… exclusively?" She asks hesitantly.

"Yeah."

"How are you feeling about it now?"

"Nervous." I admit. "Mostly because I have never done this, but I love the way he makes me feel when we're together."

She gives me another smile before giving me a quick peck on the cheek.

"Thank you for telling me all this. I'm really happy for you. I just hope that he can see how special you are."

I nod my head before finally allowing myself to relax.

I don't know what I ever did to deserve such an amazing friend. I love how she just gets me, she doesn't even have to try. And telling her about Kendall feels so good. Heck, everything about today feels good. I just hope that Kendall will be patient enough with me so that I can figure this all out and get to a place where I can be free of shame.

* * *

**Done! Sorry that this chapter was a little shorter than usual, but I promise next chapter will be longer! Just kinda figured that James' talk with Jo deserved it's own little chapter. **

**And for any Shane fans out there, I have an idea for him in this story that I'm pretty excited about. It won't be until later in the story though.**

**Anyways, I'd really love to hear your thoughts on the chapter! I'd also love to know if you had a favorite part/moment in this chapter, as well as any guesses as to what problems you think might arise for Kames!**

**P.S. I already have a new Kames story in the works! I have the first two chapters typed out already but I don't know when I'm going to post it. I'm thinking about possibly posting it tomorrow or Saturday. If not, then definitely next weekend!**

**Next chapter should be up by Sunday so until then!**

**-Epically Obsessed**


	13. Chapter Twelve

**A/N: Hello again everyone! Sorry for the late update, but better late than never right? :)**

**Before we get started, I'd like to give a huge thank you to annabellex2, TheLoganTrain, ms simmons, winterschild11, Jacob-Aaron-Yorker, child who is cool, and mrs. hutcherlark for reviewing last chapter!**

**I'm so glad that you all are loving the JamesxJo dynamic of the story! Like I said, it'll play a pretty important part in the story. You'll see what I mean soon :)**

**In this chapter, Kendall finally meets Jo and Lucy! I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Twelve**

After my talk with Jo yesterday, I totally forgot to ask her what her plans were for this weekend and if she'd be up for meeting Kendall. I've been calling and texting her for the past couple of hours, but I couldn't get a hold of her.

I spot her car when I pull up in front of the coffee shop that she works at. When I walk inside, I spot Kelly, Jo's boss, behind the counter.

"Hey James." She says with a warm smile when she spots me.

"Hey Kelly. How've you been?" I ask as I lean over the counter to give her.

"Pretty good. You looking for Jo?"

"Yeah. Is she busy?" I ask, watching as she shakes her head.

"Not really. She's in the back. It's been pretty slow." She says before calling for Jo over her shoulder.

"Hey, I've been trying to call you." I say as she walks up to the counter.

"Oh, sorry about that. My battery drained on my phone and I forgot to plug it in to recharge." She explains. "Actually, I'll go do that right now before I forget again."

She seems a little spastic when she runs to the back and quickly returns with her phone and charger.

"So, I wanted to see if you and Lucy could get together with Kendall and I later tonight?" I ask as she plugs in her phone.

"I'd love to, but I'm working late tonight. How about tomorrow afternoon? Lucy and I could do a cookout at our house."

"That sounds great. I really fucked up with him, and I want to make it right. Plus, I want you guys to meet him." I explain, watching as she nods her head in understanding. "Okay, I'll call him and let him know." I say before the two of us exchange goodbyes.

As I walk out to my car, I pull out my phone and call Kendall.

"Hey James. What's up?" He answers.

"Not much. I was actually wondering if you wanted to get together at Jo's place tomorrow afternoon?"

"Um, yeah. That works for me."

"Great. I think we'll just hang out back and cook out since the weather is supposed to be decent for a change."

"That sounds good. So… are you doing anything tonight?"

"Nothing set in stone. Why?"

"Well, I'm heading out to go for a run, but I was just gonna chill and watch the hockey game later if you wanted to come over." He says, hope evident in his voice.

"Oh, umm…" Is all I can say. No way in hell do I wanna run into Jett, not after the crap I pulled. But Kendall interrupts my thoughts.

"Jett doesn't live here anymore." He says, causing me to let out a groan.

"God, I feel like such a dick." I say as the guilt returns.

"Don't. We never really got along that well anyway." He says, but I can tell he was still hurt from both the incident as well as losing Jett as a friend. I also knew that he was trying to brush the whole thing off as if it wasn't the big deal it actually is.

"Still, I feel like shit about everything." I sigh.

"Are you coming over or what?" He interjects, and I can't help but let out a soft chuckle.

"Yeah, just text me after your run."

"Okay, I'll talk to you later."

XxX

When I got to Kendall's house later that day, we spent the evening drinking and watching the game. It was nice to spend that time with him, just taking it easy. We didn't do anything more than just hold hands and be close to one another. It seemed like the more time I spent with him, the more I found myself falling for him.

Now here we are, driving together to Jo's house. It's important to me that he likes her because she's such a big part of my life. But at the same time, I really hope she likes him both because her opinion is important to me, and because I could see him becoming a pretty big part of my life as well.

When I park the car, I look over at Kendall, who gives me a smile before he steps out. I take his hand and hold it as we walk up to the house.

"We're here." I call out after opening the door.

As I start leading Kendall through the living room, Jo walks in from the kitchen and gives me a hug.

"Kendall, this is Jo." I say as I back away a little, not missing the smile that forms on Jo's face as she turns to Kendall.

"Hey! It's great to meet you. Come on in. We're in the kitchen getting the food ready."

The three of us walk into the kitchen, where Lucy is chowing down on a mouthful of chips.

"Hey James." She says through a mouthful of food as she spots me.

"And this crazy girl is Lucy." I say while shaking my head.

"Nice to meet you guys." Kendall says with a grin.

The girls move around the kitchen and Lucy asks if one of us will start the grill for her.

"Yeah, I can do that." Kendall offers. I watch as Lucy leads him out back as I stay inside with Jo, helping her get all the food to carry out.

"This is a nice place you have." I hear Kendall say to Lucy as Jo and I walk outside.

"I suppose." She says with a sigh as she flops down in a chair.

"Please ignore her dramatics." Jo tells Kendall as Lucy just laughs. I know that Lucy loves trying to get reactions from people, and she's constantly cracking me up. If there is one thing about Lucy, it's that she doesn't give a shit about what people think about her. I love her freedom. But I'm also kinda jealous of it in a way.

"Hey James, can you run inside and grab the case of beer that's in the fridge and bring it out? There's a cooler next to the door that already has ice in it." Jo says.

"Sure." I respond before heading inside to get the beers. When I walk back outside, Kendall and Jo are chatting about school.

"So what are you studying?" I hear her ask him.

"Same as James, music. That's actually how we know each other."

I couldn't help but smile at Kendall as he continues to talk with Jo. I get up and walk over to the grill to cook the burgers, turning my head towards Kendall and Jo every once in a while, loving that they're having such an easy time talking to each other.

"He's really hot." Lucy says as she steps next to me, nudging her arm against mine.

"Yeah, I know." I say with a smile as I start taking meat off the grill before grabbing a beer and sitting next to Lucy at the fire pit.

I leave Kendall with Jo since they seem pretty inseparable at the moment. I watch as Kendall says something to her and she laughs out loud, tossing her head back as he starts to crack up as well. I have no idea what they're talking about, but seeing the two of them laughing like they are, makes me laugh too.

The afternoon passes quickly, and I spend most of it with Lucy, drinking and messing around while watching Kendall and Jo from across the backyard. They've been talking and laughing non-stop.

"Help me clean up?" I ask Lucy, who just rolls her eyes at me. "You are such a spoiled brat. Get off your lazy ass and help me out." I say with a smile.

"Fine." She says with an exaggerated sigh while returning my smile.

Kendall and Jo join us in the kitchen after a while and we decide to call it a night.

"It was so good to meet you Kendall." Jo says as she walks us to the door.

"Same here." He responds, returning the smile that she's giving him.

"You're welcome anytime, and you don't need James with you to stop by." She says before pulling him in for a hug.

"Thanks." He says softly in response.

Lucy yells "goodbye" from the kitchen and Kendall and I yell it right back. Jo pulls me in for a tight hug before whispering softly in my ear.

"He's perfect."

"I know." I say quietly, giving her a gentle squeeze before heading out.

Walking to my car with Kendall, he takes a hold of my hand and gives my neck a few pecks. We stop at the car and I pull him in for a kiss. Seeing him so comfortable with my best friend, my only family, makes me happy, and I can't help but smile against his lips as we continue to share our slow kiss.

"What's so funny?" He whispers over my lips.

"Nothing's funny. I'm just happy." I say, moving back to look at him.

"Me too. I see why you love her so much. She's great." He says as he wraps his arms around my waist.

"Yeah, she is. And so are you."

The smile that grows on his face is beautiful, so I take one last kiss before we get in the car and start driving back to my place. And since neither of us has an early class tomorrow, he decides to stay the night.

After changing clothes and sliding into bed, I felt Kendall wrap his arms around me.

"Did you have fun today?" I ask into the darkness.

"Yeah, I really did." He responds softly. "Thanks for introducing me to your friends. Did you know them before coming to Minnesota?"

"Nope. I met Jo the first semester I was here. We had a class together. I also had a class with Lucy, but I never spoke to her until I found out she was Jo's dorm mate." I explain.

"So what's her story?" He questions. "She seems so different from you and Jo." He says, causing me to let out a laugh.

"I don't know where to begin with that chick. I've always found it odd that Jo is such good friends with her because they are so opposite." I say, laughing harder when I think back to our Communications class we had together freshman year. "You wouldn't believe this speech she gave in the Communications class we shared."

"What?" Kendall chuckles as I try to control my own laughter.

"We were assigned an informational presentation. We were free to choose our own topic, but we had to perform a demonstration. So she walks in front of the class with a blow-up sex doll. Mouth open, big tits, sex doll!" I say, noticing that he's now laughing just as hard as I am.

"Are you serious?"

"No joke. She tried going for a sense of modesty by throwing one of her t-shirts over it. I swear, I was about to piss my pants when she laid that thing face down on the demonstration table and began giving that doll, with its ass all exposed, a thorough body massage. Everyone was cracking up, but she kept a straight face and proceeded as if she was giving a political speech."

"What did the professor say?"

"Nothing. He just let her do her thing as if what she was doing was completely normal.

"Oh my God." He says as we both lie there in my dark room and laugh together.

"But that's Lucy. She doesn't care what people think about her, and she is totally unpredictable, whereas Jo is reserved, quiet for the most part, and extremely focused. The two of them are an odd combo, but it works."

"So how do you fit in that?" He asks.

Laughter aside, I roll over and lay my head on his chest.

"I hang out with Lucy a lot, only because Jo rarely goes out, but we don't really have a deep friendship. We're close, but it's nothing like what I have with Jo."

"I don't think many people have that. You're lucky."

"Yeah." I whisper. "It's a lot like what I had with my brother. Well, except the physical stuff." I joke. "But Jo gives me what Shane gave me when I had him."

It's quiet for a while, but eventually Kendall speaks again.

"Can you tell me something about him?" He asks, with me pulling my head back to look at him.

It's always hard to talk about my brother, and any other time, I would've said no. But this was Kendall, and I wanted to share a part of me with him, so I take a hard swallow before opening up.

"We were best friends. It was always like that with us. We did everything together. There was this one time, we were young, maybe ten or eleven." I say, pausing when I feel the sadness well up in me along with the happiness. It's a strange conflict of emotions that causes my throat to slightly constrict.

Shifting and tucking my bent arm under the side of my head, I continue.

"We had dug up a pail of mud down at the creek that ran through the back of our neighborhood. Shane thought it would be funny to make mud pies and blow them up with firecrackers on one of the neighbors front porch. The guy that lived there was always crabby, so needless to say, we didn't like him that much. Shane found one of the leftover boxes of firecrackers from the Fourth of July, and we set those suckers off." I say, laughing at the memory.

"That shit was so loud, and there was mud flying everywhere. That crotchety man opened his front door, and Shane and I ran as fast as we could, laughing our asses off."

"Yu guys sound like trouble." He says while softly chuckling.

"We really were."

"Did you guys get caught?"

"Yeah. Our mom made us go over and clean up the mess. We had to use toothpicks to poke out the mud that slung into the window screen. It was a bitch of a mess, but so worth it." I say, my smile fading as the sadness takes over. I hate that memories are all I am left with. "I miss him." I breathe out.

Kendall doesn't speak, he just holds me tighter in his arms. I lie quiet for a while until I finally force myself to speak again.

"But when I'm with Jo… she just makes it easier."

"I wish I could have met your brother." He responds.

He doesn't say anything else after that, and neither do I as we lie there holding each other. Sharing this part of myself with him is hard. It's hard when I share it with Jo too. But it's also nice, being able to talk about Shane. I don't do it often, but he's a big part of me, so giving that to Kendall makes me feel closer to him. And I want that, the closeness.

* * *

**Done! I have to admit, I wasn't sure how this chapter would turn out, but I think it came out pretty good! :) ****So Kendall finally met Jo and Lucy! And James opened up even more! **

**A little fun fact, I wasn't originally going to include the part with James talking about Shane. But I decided to put in and dedicate it to mrs. hutcherlark! I hope you enjoyed it! :)**

**I'd love to hear all your thoughts on the new chapter! As well as your thoughts on Kendall and his meeting with Jo and Lucy and the sweet Kames talk! ;)**

**I have to warn you though, there will be some drama coming up after next chapter. It's something I've never touched upon in my stories before so it should be interesting. **

**Next chapter will be short, but I already have it typed up so I'll post it either tomorrow or Tuesday.**

**Until next time!**

**-Epically Obsessed **


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